Hi, Besties!

I’m sure we’ll discuss it on the pod when we record tomorrow, as much as we can, but I went to go see the movie everyone is getting dressed up and going to see but we’re really not supposed to talk about it because of the STRIKE! Because that would be promoting it. And also, to say I loved it would be promoting it, so I shan’t.

Photo by Myke Simon on Unsplash

What I *do* want to talk to you about, though, doesn’t really have to do with the movie, per se. I mean…it’s more like, a phenomenon I have noticed at big movies that are feminine-forward.

The first time I noticed it was at a big superhero blockbuster movie that I am probably ALSO not supposed to talk about. There was a lot of hype surrounding that one too and I went to a Thursday midnight first-showing screening with my family. I remember being psyched that so many guys were there, but then, it made sense, because it was a superhero movie and, traditionally, guys are the target audience for superheroic flicks! However, this movie featured a woman superhero, which explains why I found the makeup of the crowd encouraging. In the lobby, it felt a little bit like equality was showing that night at my local cineplex. However, in the theater…things took a turn.

There’s always an energy at any movie screening. You read the room and you can feel it. People are stoked for an action movie. People are subdued and thoughtful sitting down for a drama. A midnight screening always feels kind of like an illicit party. Like, it’s technically the film’s opening day, but it’s really the night before and it feels like you’re all getting away with something sneaky as the lights go down. Soon enough, though, everyone is so engrossed in what’s happening onscreen that they’re not rowdy anymore. Even the sound of popcorn crunching fades and you’re all just watching, together. But…not that time. I noticed that an unusual amount of folks were getting up out of their seats. Walking out to go to the bathroom. Yes, I guess that happens sometimes. If you gotta go, you gotta go. But, also people getting up to stretch their legs. Okay, I thought, maybe it was the end of a long day for some of them? But then, people who had already gotten up to pee and do some light pilates were going out to the lobby to get a drink or snacks in the middle of the film which I kind of always roll my eyes at. Really? Like, you are just more hungry for $9 Reese’s Pieces than you are to actually know what the fuck is going on in this film and why? That night, I swore I had seen most of those people coming in with snacks at the beginning. They ate all their snacks and had applied and been approved online for a small home-equity loan to go back for more? I know I sound like a real fucking busybody, but when I tell you that the amount of getting up, walking out, walking back in, wandering around and never quite being able to settle down was remarkable, it was remarkable. I remarked on it to my family. I felt like I was in a bazaar, or a bar, rather than a suburban movie theater at 1AM on a Friday morning. It was unusual and distracting! Then I noticed something. Everyone who wasn’t in their seat…was a guy? I know I can be hyperbolic, but in this case, I’m really not. That’s when I formulated a little bit of a theory. I felt like a lot of men had been tricked by their brains into coming to see a superhero movie - THEIR FAVORITE - but when we got down to brass tacks and the superheroing was being done by a woman, a lot of dudes became so subconsciously uncomfortable that they literally, physically could not stay in their seats.

I’ve talked about entertainment-based discomfort on the podcast before. I suffer from it myself sometimes! My go-to is when something gets too tense for me to handle, I tell myself I just have to check something on my phone real quick. Then I check OUT of the show, mentally, until such time as whatever was making me tense has passed. But, it’s not a great viewing experience if I’m being honest, and it’s probably (definitely) a coping mechanism that’s pretty annoying for whoever I am watching with, especially when I later have to ask questions to understand a plot point that was explained while I was looking at The Cut’s Instagram posts for the day, yelling “Sorry, sorry!” whenever I scroll past a post with sound. That’s in the privacy of my own home. But let me give you my word, here. I would never, ever, EVER think of whipping out my phone in a movie theater no matter how uncomfortable a scene made me, because I have manners enough to pretend that I have great manners when I am out in public and would know better about looking at my phone! However, that night? At that very good and engaging movie about a superhero who was a woman who made people wonder how she was so great? There were so many phones being looked at! SO MANY PHONES I WISHED I HAD HAD A GOLDEN LASSO TO SNATCH THEM AWAY!

Anyway, since that time, I haven’t had a ton of chances to see if my theory was just a one-off one night or if it seemed to hold true. This is because the pandemic really curtailed my movie-going habits and because we still don’t make a ton of movies that are very, very, very mostly for girls? (Don’t “at” me, I know nothing is just for girls or just for boys or just for anyone and that everything is for everyone if they want it to be, but you get what I’m saying.)

When I met up with a group of girlfriends to go see B…lockbuster movie we’re not naming, it was clear the crowd was PUMPED. Lots of people in over-the-top pink cosplay, a little like Comic Con, but in this case, all devoted to one singular iconic character. Well, not all dressed in celebration of that one character. In a sea of enthusiastic women of all shapes, sizes and orientations, there were some enthusiastic men! A husband in a blonde wig that will also work well if he and his wife decide to dress as Fred and Daphne from Scooby Doo this Halloween. A couple of boyfriends who had gone a step further and actually bleached their hair, a la the lovelorn leading man in the film we were about to see. Then, there were a handful of guys who…well, nobody was obligated to dress up, right? That’s optional and absolutely not a requirement and no judgment is being passed here. But…okay, this is a little judgey. Most of the guys who didn’t dress up were also carrying themselves with this body language that I believe I am fluent in. They were saying, “I came because she wanted to, but it wouldn’t have been my first choice.” WHICH IS ALSO FINE! Really. How many times have I shuffled into a theater behind one of the fellas in my family knowing I was about to be bored out of my skull by a movie about a famous archaeologist and his crystal skull? The answer is SO MANY TIMES!!!

But, as the movie played on and the majority of the crowd got more and more enraptured by every scene and every line, I noticed it. The fellas who I clocked as looking like they really would have preferred to go see the other blockbuster about a boy and his big bomb, one by one, those guys started to get up from their seats, wandering out to presumably pee and forage for additional popcorn. One guy, no exaggeration, left and came back in at least three times and every time, walked up and down the central passage aisle with his head turned away from the screen, slowly scanning the upper section looking to relocate his seat. I mean, sir, you have to walk the length of the whole theater because you don’t have a general idea from whence you came? Maybe. But once you found your seat that first time, when you then left again, maybe because you had to walk off a tummy cramp from double-concessions, why could you not pinpoint the approximate location of your seat any faster on your second attempt? Or third? SIR, I NOW KNOW WHERE YOUR SEAT IS BY NOW! WE ALL DO!

One guy, who came in and sat down during the trailers but then popped up to go do something before the movie started didn’t make his return until we were so deep into act 1 that I actually had to respect him in some weird way. He didn’t even have to see a frame of this film to know that he would have a better time dicking around doing whatever outside the theater. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but when a movie ticket costs twenty bucks and you aren’t even there to see the first seven dollars-worth, I’m sorry, I think I’ve got your number.

Anyway, while it wasn’t as bad as the superhero movie, I definitely felt like, with some men, a similar thing was going on. So, I have dubbed the phenomenon “Restless Greg Syndrome.”

Do you think you have ever been to a movie or other cultural event where RGS overtook some members of the audience? I would like to hear about it!

And to the guys who wore pink, wore wigs, bleached their hair or just sat, watched and laughed…you are Kentirely Kenlightened and I love you. In a friend way.

So, that’s what’s on my mind tonight. In other completely unrelated news, it looks like our virtual painting party with Founding Members is going to happen in the last week of August and that’ll be for anyone who is a founding member at that time, but also everyone who was one as of June 26th, 2023! So, keep an eye out for those details!!!