Three Little Things for Summer

It IS Still Summer

Is it just me or has this been a long summer? I’m not sure if it’s been the WGA/SAG-AFTRA strike, or because of the unprecedented temperatures, but it feels to me like we have all been served a big old messy, melty double scoop of summer this year. Even though lots of kids have gone back to school already, we still have technically 31 days, 11 hours, 29 minutes and 15 seconds left to go before it is officially my favorite season, autumn. As I have said on this very newsletter before, I am ready for pumpkin spice everything to make its return even though I don’t actually ingest pumpkin spice, because I am allergic to nutmeg which makes me puke. Still, I want to see my fellow Simple Sisters enjoying all things PS!

But because summer (and menopause) drags on, I thought I’d tell you about the THREE LITTLE THINGS that have kept me and continue to keep me sane until September.

If you’re not on the west coast of the US, hopefully you spent the past weekend blissfully unaware of #HurricaneHilary except for what you heard on the news. Meanwhile, as a New Englander who now lives in Los Angeles, I felt like I was gonna lose my shit. While everyone kept talking about how it was gonna turn into “just a category 1” or “only a tropical storm” I was remembering li’l tropical storms that had left my home in Connecticut with a foot of water in the basement and without power for three weeks. You just never know how it’s gonna go with these things until it is happening. Suddenly, my sweet, sunny little mid-century modern house with the back wall of floor-to-ceiling windows was absolutely leering at me, saying, “Caissie, I don’t even have a basement where a foot of water could go, girl. And I’m a ranch, so it’s not like you can run upstairs.” I was mentally sorting which pieces of furniture were more precious and could be stacked on top of theoretically replaceable IKEA case goods should water start to seep in. However, two things kept me more calm than I normally would have been in this situation. Besides the micro-dosing!

One is a hack I am sure I am not the first person to think of, but I’m pretty proud of myself for figuring it out on my own. This winter in LA was so rainy that our side alley almost flooded right through the bottom of our dining area window many times. Judging by the damage to the floor beneath that window that was there when we bought the house, I don’t even need to put on my Sherlock Holmes hat to figure out this has happened before. There are small drains out there, but they quickly clog with leaves and debris during a storm and if you’re not vigilant, pretty soon, you’re soaking in it, as the Madge the Manicurist used to say. But as I was dashing out into water above my ankles to sweep the drains clear, while imagining Pennywise the clown laughing from the sewers below, it occurred to me that if I took our kitchen colanders and flipped them upside down over our drains, using rocks to weight them down, they would keep all the sticks and leaves from rushing into the drain holes and plugging up the passage of water. It works pretty well, if I do say so my damn self. Maybe I should invent an upside down colander and call it something like “The Drain Surgeon” and go on SharkTank and ask Mark Cuban to financially back me, but honestly, who has the energy? If your little storm drains in your yard get plugged, this idea is my gift to you and I hope it helps.

Kitchen colander, upside-down, over drain with brick on top & lots of gross shit around it, but shit that is NOT plugging said drain! And the alley is dry!

The other thing that kept me sane wasn’t something I had on hand, and I had to run out to purchase them, and by “run out” I mean drive an hour to Simi Valley because every store was out of stock. (And the fact that they *were* out of stock everywhere made me feel better because it meant that some people were taking the threat of Hilary as seriously as I was? Anyway!) They’re called Quick Dams and they’re genius. They work kind of like sandbags would, except they start out compact and use the absorption of any leaking water to expand and fill themselves up. We will definitely be keeping them on hand in our garage in the event that next summer, or next winter, or spring or fall at the rate we’re going, Mama Nature blows any big, wet kisses our way. See link in the comments!

I could try to tell you that my next “little thing” find was also something I shrewdly nabbed during my storm prep, but the truth is, I got it a few days before when I went to light the grill and realized our Bic Utility Lighter was out of fire juice. And I couldn’t figure out if you were supposed to refill it or where you would refill it? I don’t think you can refill it? And, even if you could, I didn’t have any of whatever fluid you may or may not need to put in it? It was a whole rigamarole when I was just trying to scorch a burger. So, I got these rechargeable USB lighters that never run out of fire juice! And, I was so glad that I had these babies going into #HurricaneHilary where, no, we didn’t lose our power, but IF WE HAD, I WOULD HAVE ABSOLUTELY BEEN READY to light so many candles to see by! And they’re honestly a lot easier to use than the other lighters where you have to hold down a button with your thumb while also pulling the trigger to strike the flame with your finger. Who has the dexterity and hand strength for that? I can’t even open a jar anymore. Anyway, these things kind of work like tiny tasers. The lighter itself isn’t scary to use, but I can’t say I wasn’t disturbed by how every guy in my house picked it up and repeatedly pressed the button, staring at the little blue spark saying, “Ooooh, it IS like a tiny taser!” Anyway, I recommend them for stormy times, or even if you’re just lighting things for fun and not because it’s a blackout. Find the lighter link in the comments!

USB Rechargeable Lighter - on here it makes the spark look pink, but on mine it’s blue. I think they took some artistic license? Anyway, who cares, it works!

My last “little thing” is something I wish I had been desperate enough to find a few months ago, when my hot flashes were new and I could have sweat through a stack of mattresses. However, I’ve had this item for a couple of weeks now and I don’t think it’s too soon to say I can’t imagine living without it. Especially this week! Because, friends, in case I haven’t made it clear, I prepped for the storm. Which included hitting the grocery store and stocking up on non-perishables! You know what two of the best non-perishable things are, in my opinion? Tortilla chips and canned chili. Which also happen to be a very good homemade nachos starter kit. And because my family was gathered all together, waiting out the storm, I made some nachos for them to enjoy while we watched Notting Hill together…FOR THEM! But of course, everyone said, “Mom, you worked so hard on these nachos, you should have some too!” (Nobody said this.) Long story short, I ate the nachos, then proceeded to have the worst stomach ache of 2023, because I am now “Can’t Just Eat Nachos Willy Nilly” years old! I guess I should be careful eating anything that has that many corners these days. So, the stomach ache I gave myself eating storm provisions was far more devastating to me personally than the storm itself, which is, I know, a privilege and a blessing. Still, it hurt all night, long after the rain stopped, I didn’t sleep a wink, then it still hurt the next day even after the sun came out and all the rain dried. Ever the optimist, I thought to myself, “You know what might make me feel better? A swim!” My logic was, the water would be warm and soothing and maybe moving around might break up the mass of beancorncheese that was plugging up my guts like I was a storm drain next to our house. So, instead of my usual late afternoon/early evening swim, I went in the middle of the day. And this happened.

Caissie’s shoulder, very sunburned. But, LOL, look at how WHITE that strap mark is. That is how much I truly avoid sun at all times.

Ugh, I know I should have known better. I should have worn a rashguard. I have many! I should have applied sunscreen to my body and not just my face! I should have put on one of those hats that looks like an umbrella that they sell at parades that drunk dads always buy because they think they’re hilarious! But I didn’t. The truth is, I thought I would be outdoors for fifteen minutes, but the water did feel good even if it didn’t cure my stomach ache and the audio book I was listening to was so engrossing that I stayed out longer than I should have and by the time I got inside, I was medium-rare.

I’m not gonna cry over spilled milk or singed flesh, so let me get to the point. This sunburn was the true test of a recent purchase that I was already loving. I knew if it got me through the night comfortably when my body was not only on fire from the inside, but also from the outside, it was a keeper. Without further ado, please allow me to introduce you to my new best friend, this fan.

Hilariously photoshopped overdramatized image of a portable fan blowing leaves. However, it’s a great fan and I have no doubt it would blow leaves well.

Okay, I know it doesn’t look that impressive. But, please believe me when I tell you, it is that impressive. When it’s folded down, it’s about the size of the chili bowls I have in my cabinet. (Ugh! Friggin’ chili, don’t remind me.) But then it easily unfolds and telescopes up and you can use it at any height, including it’s maximum elevation which is exactly tall enough to stand next to my bed and blow right on my disgusting sunburn all night! Oh, you say you don’t have a plug next to that spot in your bedroom? Well, don’t worry about it, because this fan, like those little taser lighters, is RECHARGEABLE VIA USB! I fully charged it the first day I got it, thinking it would work for a couple hours before I had to plug it back in, but no. NO! It lasted me through not one, not two, but THREE FULL NIGHTS of cool, cool sleep before I had to recharge. I don’t throw the word miracle around lightly, but this little thing has answered my (selfish and shallow) prayers. And it’s not so big that it’s blowing across the bed onto whomstever you may share it with. It’s a personal fan, which I think is the best personal-sized invention since the personal pan pizza! Wait, did I tell you it has a remote? Yeah, if you get too cold, you just reach over to your little night table and boop, turn it down. Or turn it up. Or off. Or on. It’s a remote, it does everything. And in the morning, you fold it up and kick it under your bed and anyone peering into your boudoir would never know that your secret for getting through the night without your hair sweat-plastered to your face anymore was hiding there, right next to the cute dumbbells you bought at Target but haven’t touched in six weeks. Link for the fan is in the comments!

I truly believe it’s the little things in this life that will bring us the most joy and comfort. Now, please tell me, because I am dying to know, what little things have been getting you through this last month of summer?

P.S. I was trying to figure out how to set up a storefront because a bunch of you said I should. I did NOT succeed, however, in trying to do that, I did learn how to create affiliate links, which the links below are. If any of you should happen to purchase any of the items I linked to, and I go on to earn a small commission, I will donate that money to striking writers who didn’t weather the storm as well as we did in our house, and need to replace the groceries that went bad in their refrigerators while their power was out.