Sometimes I feel like I just can’t move. I mean, there’s the times when I’m asleep, but I feel like I’m awake & aware of everything around me & I can’t get up because an invisible sleep demon is on top of me & has completely immobilized me & I’m trapped in wakesleep, maybe forever. Just me? But then there’s other times when I am definitely awake & have stuff I need to do, not even hard stuff & I have a difficult time just…starting. One time, my friend Julie suggested that I try telling myself what I want me to do & promising that I’m going to do it as soon as I count down, NASA-style, from 5. If it works for rockets, right? When I think about it, it’s also how I got myself to do things like jumping off the scary diving board when I was a little kid, too. Sometimes. Sometimes I absolutely bailed.
Maybe the counting down also works on me because of all of my years in TV? Very often, it has been my job, during a live broadcast, to quiet the floor & count down, backwards, until we were on the air. I’d always start at 30, but not counting the whole time. You firmly shout, “30 seconds” then count silently until it’s time to say “25” to let people know they can talk for about 5 more seconds before they need to shut it. Then you let everyone know it’s “20 seconds…19…18…17…” & so on & so on until you get to 5. Then you put up your hand & do it with your fingers at the same time you’re saying it, until you get to 3, then you shut your mouth too & just count silently by holding up the right amount of fingers, like you’re about to order a surprise tactical strike. After you get to 1 & that second expires, you point to the person who should start talking & hope they don’t say something stupid. Basically as stressful as NASA, with less dire consequences! Anyway, I’ve done this on many shows. I did it just about every night on one particular show for 9 years. And no matter how much practice I got doing it, I would, at least once a week, mess up 13. Like, just forget that it was a number or how to say it or which order it went in. One time I did it in front of a very famous rap artist & he could not stop laughing. Not in a mean way. Then everyone else was laughing too. Anyway, in the next commercial break, he was invested in my success, so he counted backwards with me & HE messed up 13. He interrupted our count to tell everyone in the audience, “Yo, that shit is harder than it looks, ok?” Then he got in his guest chair & composed himself before I got to 5 because he’s a pro.
Anyway, the countdown has been pretty effective lately! But I’d love to hear from you. When you don’t want to move, or feel like you can’t, what are some tips & tricks you use to get yourself going? And if you bail on your first trick, do you have a backup trick that never fails to get your butt unstuck?
Its taken me the past three years to learn who I am, accept it and not sabotage myself.
I've released perfectionism and it's evil cousin procrastination. They can wonder the desert aimlessly for all I care, but they can no longer live in my head.
I've stopped trying phone apps because I want less time on my phone.
I've welcomed note pads and colored markers back into my life. I have loved stationary since a child.
I created my own weekday tracking on o e page with 5 columns. The first is for one unique gratitude. The last is to celebrate those pesky or unusual tasks I did get done. I don't like to be told what to do (a to do list), but I certainly like to celebrate the extra stuff I did beside working. This gives me the freedom to do what I want while also not letting me off the hook, drop the ball and feel like I'm a lazy piece of poop who can't get my shit together.
I also try to reframe housework from being a chore that I hate to being adoration for my home, the space that I love. Just like I enjoy telling a friend or the hubby what is special about them, I like to give my house that attention to. And I try to do a little something for her every day. She and I do not have a good time if I have put off cleaning for awhile and she needs a full on makeover to just look decent.
Oh.... and habit stacking has been a mental God send.
Love this topic.
It is hard to be motivated to keep on going, doing the same things over and over. It is just as hard to do those annoying one off tasks... which reminds me I should call the cable company today to renegotiate my bill. Our annual dance.
Not sure this is exactly tje same as it is more like 'what do I NOT do to get started' and the main one is I don't allow myself to use the snooze button. When that morning alarm goes off I make myself get out of bed straight away. Snooze option is too dangerous!
That’s sort of how I make myself stop scrolling when I’m stuck scrolling. I say, “Okay self, you can scroll THREE more swipes!” Then I count myself down and when I get done I have to PUT MY PHONE DOWN!
I am awful at motivating myself if the desire isn’t there. I try to creat lists to break things down into smaller steps, like instead of just “clean” it will list out “dust, vacuum, mop.” Sometimes it helps me get over the feeling of being overwhelmed which will shut me down, but it doesn’t always give me the “get up and go” I need to do the task. I may give this countdown thing a shot!
This is so relatable and also a tough one to answer. In the morning, there’s so much hullabaloo going on (dogs, husband going to works, kid going to school, coffee and tea and breakfast and lunches being made) so I normally am jolted awake with the rest of the crew. If I sleep in a little bit my dogs jump on me and make sure I’m awake. On the weekends unfortunately my internal clock and the dog’s bladders get things going and it’s impossible to sleep in. BUT, I do have moments where I’m zoning out and not doing something I should. Many times I get a little snack first because sometimes low blood sugar makes me unresponsive. Or I give myself a time limit. However, the rewards system doesn’t work on me. I can’t participate in a system enforced by myself to delay the thing I want. Maybe sometimes we just need to be still, and our body is telling us this, if our situation allows.
Ok, before my answer - I just SPIT OUT my coffee laughing during the new pod. Caissie says “I want Lizzos underwear” and I’m like, huh? Then I realized what she was referring to. THEN Caissie goes on about cat 69 position - I LOST IT! Coffee came out of my nose and a little snort too. 🤣 Thanks for making my morning sooooooo much better! 😹
The one thing I do, which I think was mentioned, is set my phone timer for 5 minutes. I use the VERY annoying iPhone default alarm - I try to get everything done before the alarm goes if because I hate the sound so much.
When it comes to work, I just do something, anything. Take the trash out, delete some emails. When I’m stuck and feeling overwhelmed taking any action helps, especially if it requires getting up from my desk and moving my body. I tend to get caught in the what to do first which stalls me. For life, I challenge myself to speed rounds. Ex. I pick a song and challenge myself to fold the laundry before it’s over. Or I set a timer and clean house for 15 minutes, as fast and hard as I can go. I can do anything for 15 minutes right?
I would rebel against myself if I tried to count down, but I do have something I do. I think of “future me” and how she will be so glad that “present me” did the task and that she can relax.
I don’t have a strategy, but I’m here to say that I have been struggling with this SO much the past few months. I really think it may be part of some sort of undiagnosed neurodivergence for me though! 😂 I’m looking forward to reading what y’all post, because I could use as many strategies as possible in my tool belt!
I have the dumbest trick ever. Since I was a kid. I’m usually frozen while watching TV and my first name starts with “m” (hear me out) so I tell myself that I HAVE to get up the next time I hear a word that starts with m. It is the TV giving me a sign to move my butt. It works somehow 😂
🤣🤣🤣 well thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever verbalized it before. It’s just one of those things that lives in my brain. And sometimes I up the ante and if I’m feeling really stuck I wait for a multi-syllabic M word. Mono syllabic will not do. 🤷♀️ I’m weird.
On the really hard days, I'll get up, start my morning routine, and then go lay back down in bed for 5-15 minutes. I'll set an alarm and say "Ok, you can fart around for the next 15 mins, then we have to get moving." And because my morning routine is the same I'm able to kind of start mentally preparing my to do list while scrolling through my phone so that when my phone goes off, I'm ready to go. I also got this "to do" list note pad that's been the best one I've tried. It's so simple, One side has 7 am to 9pm so you can write out meeting times, etc. The other side is where you list your tasks and assign a priority number. Most days I will set a block of time aside for the bigger tasks, but otherwise I mark them as I go. It's been an easy way to guide me through the days when I just want to do nothing, but the pile keeps growing.
On weekdays, when I’m truly alone in the house.... I take 30 mins - hour to do my self care. Breakfast, coffee, work on my “Do the Work” workbook and/or crocheting. Things I like better when I’m not interrupted. And then it’s do something... anything... that benefits the house/family. On my high energy days, I just keep rolling or maybe take on a bigger task. On low energy days... I go back to a comfort show and say at least I got that thing done. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do 2?
I like really low expectations so then I can be happy w/ my day on most occasions. Lol. And too many “bad” days is a really slippery slope for me. Also... if I don’t purposely make time for things that make me happy it just won’t happen. Even on the days I scroll more than clean... my self care items get passed on as well.
They do a great job of mixing facts and humor to help make it less painful. It’s tough (and fun) to work on and I wish I had a study group to discuss it with. It feels weird doing it at home alone and that being where it stops.
I think of it as it’s giving me the confidence and language to be more vocal in real life. Like the phrase “unearned social privilege” ... that is way more palatable to some people who don’t want to see their white privilege.
That being said... I’d be open to chatting with you as we make our way through the book! I think it will definitely be helpful to chat with someone on the same step in their journey.
I just realized that I accidentally forgot to reply. Sorry!
Yes! I would love to chat about the book. The next couple of weeks I’ll be traveling so I prob won’t be able to get back to the book til mid September. But I’ll be happy to talk then
When I was in college and felt like all my assignments were piling up and deadlines just felt insurmountable, I read something that I needed in that moment and it's stuck with me 15 years later. "Treat the things you need to do as if you were eating an elephant. You couldn't eat an elephant all at once, you just have to take it bit by bit." It's pretty gross if you think about it too hard, but it truly helps me put things into perspective when the things on my list start piling up, and remind myself that I just need to go bit by bit, and you know what? It helps me get my stuff done when I realize I don't need to do everything ALL at once. I just need to go slowly bit by bit.
I make a daily list and put tasks that I do everyday that I know I will check off. This gives me the feeling that I’ve already “started” and then can knock out the other items on the list! It’s not a perfect system and it definitely doesn’t work everyday, but more days than not, I’m successful! Small tasks add up and allow headspace to tackle larger tasks!
Don't know if this answers the question, but here are things I consider as I get through the day. Maybe some will help. Maybe some won't. But remember we're all on our own path. We don't always need to do everything the same way because it worked for someone else.
For me there are things that I consider important and that I try to follow.
First, everything is going to take longer than you think, so schedule accordingly. I used to try and get a lot of stuff done in a day and it would eventually overwhelm me. So now, I just plan on getting a couple of things done during the day. I'm not saying put off stuff that's truly important, I'm just saying not everything is that important and those things can often wait. Successfully getting a few things done, some important, some not can feel amazingly fulling. Today for example I have three things. I need to go to Target and to the grocery store. I'm getting a new vacuum so I need to gather up the old one and all the attachments so I can prep them for disposal. When the new vacuum gets here, I need to get familiar with it and prep it for use. It's cordless so I'll need to set up a charging station. The third thing is I have an XBox that I got early in the pandemic and that I don't think I've finished set up on so todays the day when I'll finish it up. Three things one important one not as important and one fun. That's what I can handle today. Three things that even if they go long, I can probably get done and in reality as long as I get the shopping done, I'll be ok.
Back when I was working, there was a time when things got kind of intense. As time went on, I realized that I was on a bad path and not wanting to be further proof that horses asses can outnumber horses, I signed up for stress counseling. The therapist I worked with tried a few things that didn't seem to work. In the second or third session we found the thing that did and it came down to a simple statement that a lot of people tire of hearing from me. "All you can do is all you can do." Sounds kind of dumb, but think about it. If you dod your absolute best, then win or lose you succeeded. Now if you didn't succeed, then you need to learn what you can do differently. Maybe better scheduling. Maybe you need a different skillset. Maybe the other person was just better. Don't dwell on why it didn't work out. Just take the lessons learned and go forward.
There are people that tell you you should always do more, and you can. But it requires you to sacrifice something. Maybe it means time away from your loved ones. sometimes it affects your health, both physical and mental. It's an important thing to consider. Back in my day we'd ask "is the juice worth the squeeze". Is the result worth the sacrifice. Not saying there aren't time when the sacrifice is necessary, but they should be the exception and not the rule.
Always remember, failure is not always a bad thing. In fact when you're working towards a goal failure is an important tool. It lets you know how not to do something. Thomas Edison learned a lot of ways how not to make a light bulb until he found the way that worked. No one likes to fail. No one likes to lose. But if you learn from these experiences you'll get better. And the learning will lead you to success. Be patient and do the work.
It's important to remember to take time to do nothing. To relax and recharge. Back when I was working, I had a meeting with our plant manager. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing well but was sure busy and listed out all the things I was doing. He then asked me the following question. "When do you take time to think?" Took me a while to understand the importance of that question. But I take time to stop and think every day now and it sure helps.
Be honest and direct. Don't give excuses. Sometimes its more important to give the other person what they need instead of what they want. It might not be popular, but most times the people hearing it just don't yet understand what they need. Just make sure your right.
So what it boils down to for me at least is this: Do your best. Be realistic. Be prepared to do the work. Celebrate even small success. Be honest and kind. And always remember. All you can do is all you can do.
I recently started a Notes app list called Silly List. All the low urgency things I’ve been putting off for months. The idea is to do one thing from the silly list a day, or a week, depending on severity of your procrastination. I made this up so not yet fully tested but I particularly like not seeing these old items on my regular to do list!
Caissie! Relatable as always! I’m a teacher, so I have long summer days where I often don’t do a damn thing, and then many intense days where I have a do a million different things.😵💫😵💫😵💫
I haven’t read all the replies, so I wonder if someone mentioned this. I think I heard this advice on the podcast that John and Hank Green do together (Dear Hank and John). Hank Green said that he does something once a day/week (depending on how much stuff he needs to get done) called a “scary hour.” During the scary hour, you do the stuff you’ve been putting off (making that dentist appointment, call the credit card company, etc). And when the hour is up, you just have to finish whatever task you may be in the middle of, but then you’re done until the next scary hour.
I thought it was genius, so I tried it out a couple of weeks ago and it actually worked! I did things that I had been putting off for a YEAR. But, since then, I haven’t done another scare hour 😬. I think I need to put one on the calendar.
I give myself permission to feel the way I’m feeling (this is how you feel, it’s okay that you feel like this, you can also be mad you feel like this, it’s okay that everything/one feels like they/it sucks) and then I say okay now what to do? And then I try to do a thing and if it doesn’t feel like the thing I try another thing and do another this is how you feel. And then if what I need is to watch a video on YouTube (bc they’re usually short) I do that and then try it all again. And sometimes what I need to do is some sort of crafting or making or coloring because art is my meditation and that can get me going with the practical have-tos. And lists. I love lists. I’m trying really hard to be extra patient with myself right now because I have a lot of medical bullshit happening.
I pick a day at the weekend. Kick everyone else out of the house. Write a list with check boxes. Put on some motivational music LOUD. And work my way through my list, with breaks/rewards after completing a predefined number of tasks. Including wine when all tasks are complete.
This sounds delightful. Tell me more about the key detail “kick everyone else out of the house.” Do they clear out willingly lest they get handed a vacuum cleaner??
I'm a real list bitch. If I'm feeling especially scattered (do I have ADHD?) and end up with lots of unfinished stuff around me, I force myself to write the most basic-ass to-do list there is. Literally: (1) finish making your coffee; (2) empty dishwasher; (3) cut veggies for meal prep; ... and so on. It doesn't matter how basic the task is, it will go on the list. Doing them in order helps quiet the brain so I'm not thinking, "Wait! I need to do this. Oh—and I gotta finish this. Where's my coffee? Oh let me fix that. Dang, I gotta finish those vegetables, too." Whew! When I have to resort to "The List," I scratch off every single thing I've managed, regardless of how insignificant it may seem. At least it's done. I've also taken your advice from one of the podcast episodes in instead of writing a to-do list, write a list of what I managed to do. FaceTimed my dad. Talked to a friend. Bought groceries. It really makes a difference for those days that I've felt I squandered to reframe them with what I accomplished.
It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this feeling of being overwhelmed into inactivity (if that description makes sense). One of the great things about this community is that we have a space to share these parts of ourselves safely and help one another DO OUR BEST. :-)
And thanks, Caissie, for sharing some behind-the-scenes bits with us! I'm sure I'm not the only one dying to know who that rapper was.
I have so many days like this. If it's purely that I'm having trouble getting up and physically moving, I'll try listening to one of the podcasts I really enjoy, such as yours. Something with smart, funny people talking with a lot more energy than I am feeling. It sometimes helps to wake up both my brain and my body. With regard to actually going and doing things, I got some really good advice years ago. Just do one thing on your list. One thing is better than nothing. If you can at least do that, you'll feel like you accomplished something, and sometimes you can get into a rhythm and do a whole bunch of things. It's worth a shot!
I have no idea when or why I started doing this, but I say "ALRIGHT BITCHES" to psyche myself up to do something because then I can't bail on someone with that energy.
My trick is a treat. It helps to give myself a quiet moment or a little treat (like spending time with Ms. Sativa if it’s the right task😏) or eating a good breakfast or lunch while watching a funny show or listening to YOU GUYS, beforehand gets me in the right head space to do something a hate or have been putting off. Also timers are my best friend and great for my kids!
I tell myself I need to do 5 things . It’s a stupid mind game but it makes me feel like I accomplished something and it settles my brain down for the night. Tonight it was - fold a load of laundry , clean out my travel coffee mug, set up the coffee pot for the morning , wash my face and put on a mask and sign a birthday card and bag up the gift. 5 things that made me feel good about myself :)
Um hai, my name is joules and i live here 🙋♀️ Often, nothing works but lately I’ve been singing(all singing, all the time over here despite general lack of rhythm and ability. Key? What key? Who is she?) i don’t want to, but i have to. I sing that on repeat until I annoy myself enough to get up. If my son is around, he gets annoyed more quickly which has the benefit of being hilarious to me.
I’m a “to do list” kind of girl. I also always start my day with a walk or a run. I find that once I get my body in motion, it sets me up to keep going. I also really enjoy crossing things off a list. There is something so deeply satisfying about it. ❤️
My husband and I worked in store management for a large specialty retailer for about a decade out of college and the one thing that I can say to my husband or mentally to myself that will get either one of us in the right frame of mind to get going on anything that needs to be done is "Road show!". The annual Store Manager meetings were called 'road shows' and we all knew that if we wanted to be promoted or moved to a 'better' store, we had to be early to every event, visibly participate and be on our sparkliest, best behavior during those 2-3 days. We knew that all of the head honchos were judging us even though they said they weren't. In our minds, the noun is now a verb and all either one of us has to do is speak those two words and the other one knows exactly what needs to happen.
Aug 23, 2022·edited Aug 23, 2022Liked by Caissie St.Onge
Because my brain is made out of pop culture references, when I can't drag myself out of bed in the morning, I say (out loud to no one), "Hot dog! Lemme at 'em!" Which is a Jeff-Rosso-being-a-dork-on-Freaks-and-Geeks line. It's silly, but it continues to make me laugh and get up after about 20 years of doing it, so it works for me.
I can't say the same line would work for others, but maybe the laugh and thinking of something fun for just a second would...
I go to pop culture too - the Kimmy Schmidt line “you can do anything for 10 seconds.” And then you just say it again every 10 seconds. I find that really motivating!
I’m going to try your line tomorrow morning and see how it feels!
I feel this with work a lot. I usually don’t do anything and then feel guilty and then try to catch up. But what has worked for me is to focus on one thing at a time. Even if it’s just send this email and then stop. Once I start then it’s easier to keep going.
I know I’m my own worst enemy with time so I bargain with myself like you do with toddlers - empty and restack the dishwasher and you get 10 minutes social media time.
I save my favourite podcasts and only listen to them when exercising. Gets me out of bed early because I’m so impatient and those especially long ones *cough BPIDHB cough* are great because I try and knock them out over 2 days.
I also love the dopamine hit from ticking something off a list. My reminders app is as long as “War and Peace”. Any little household chore is assigned a day and time and I get an extra boost if I tick it off before the notification rings.
1) If I can’t get myself to start something and I’m wasting time doing something else (like scrolling on my phone) I set a timer on said phone (ie 10 more min of scrolling and then you’re doing x)
2) Bribe myself by promising myself a reward as soon as task is done
3) If it’s something where I’m resisting doing it b/c I think it’s going to take too long, I set a timer and say - you only have to do this for 15 minutes. Like if I have to call my health insurance company and am worried that I’ll sit on hold forever, I just tell myself that I’ll sit on hold for 15 min tops and then cut bait. Obviously this might mean that I have to do the same task another time, but the momentum of starting it is often enough.
4) This isn’t a strategy but I think it’s also helpful to ask yourself why you are having trouble starting said task, and then maybe line up your strategy (like the three above) to the answer you’re getting.
I’m the queen of zoning out on my bed and then poof 2 hours go by in a flash. I don’t have tips -I’m in the thick of something as far as I can tell- but I will be scouting these comments for tips.
I don’t really have any thoughts to share at the moment, but I’m here to listen to what others have to share. I hope to incorporate some of these tips.
Adderall! I know ADHD seems trendy these days but with the help of a therapist I was able to see that a confluence of different challenges I was trying to tackle were actually symptoms of ADHD. (And oh how I wish I had figured this out 30 years ago.) I'm on a very low dose of Adderall but it does help a lot, and I encourage anyone who has trouble with tasks that seem very doable to the other people in your lives to investigate whether or or not an ADHD diagnosis could be the right fit.
Would you mind sharing how you and your doctor reached that diagnosis? I suspect I have inattentive ADHD, but so far I have not had success getting a formal diagnosis.
I had been working with my therapist for about 2 years when it came up. I don’t know which one of us suggested that it might be part of the puzzle. I was lucky (?) that I was also already in the care of a psychiatrist (separate clinician), who was able to do the assessment and prescribe medication.
I pick a really easy stupid thing I have been avoiding for weeks and then I just do it. Once I see that doing the thing was easier than all the work I put into avoiding the thing, I do another thing. I was reading somewhere about a german practice of "little shit days" or "Kleinscheiß Tag" where people lump all the little bullshit items into a day and just knock them out.
Lately, I have been trying to make Mondays by little shit days because I can ride the momentum through the week. I also use the countdown sometimes. Another trick is to throw 10 minutes at it but not commit to anything more. Chances are, 10 minutes makes it easier to keep going but you don't have to.
Wow. I do “little shit days” and just thought it was my procrastination finally becoming unavoidable and literally piling up like shit. Now I can do it and feel EuRoPeAn.🤪
I struggle with this too. Sometimes what helps is to say "I will just (do this thing) for 15 minutes. C'mon, 15 minutes isn't that much time. I can do that." When it works, 15 minutes often becomes 30 or 45 or whatever. And sometimes 15 is just 15, or, you know, 0, because that is how it is...Sometimes.
I was laid off earlier this month. I made a hand written list of things I wanted to get done/have to get done with little boxes to check when I accomplished things. The physical act of checking the box is so satisfying.
I usually get up to get a dove dark chocolate and then get busy when I get back. Lately I've been feeling HEAVY and can't move but it's the time of year. Going back to work/school in a few days. Boo!
Hooray!
It’s Wednesday and a new episode waits in my phone like a present to open!
Its taken me the past three years to learn who I am, accept it and not sabotage myself.
I've released perfectionism and it's evil cousin procrastination. They can wonder the desert aimlessly for all I care, but they can no longer live in my head.
I've stopped trying phone apps because I want less time on my phone.
I've welcomed note pads and colored markers back into my life. I have loved stationary since a child.
I created my own weekday tracking on o e page with 5 columns. The first is for one unique gratitude. The last is to celebrate those pesky or unusual tasks I did get done. I don't like to be told what to do (a to do list), but I certainly like to celebrate the extra stuff I did beside working. This gives me the freedom to do what I want while also not letting me off the hook, drop the ball and feel like I'm a lazy piece of poop who can't get my shit together.
I also try to reframe housework from being a chore that I hate to being adoration for my home, the space that I love. Just like I enjoy telling a friend or the hubby what is special about them, I like to give my house that attention to. And I try to do a little something for her every day. She and I do not have a good time if I have put off cleaning for awhile and she needs a full on makeover to just look decent.
Oh.... and habit stacking has been a mental God send.
Love this topic.
It is hard to be motivated to keep on going, doing the same things over and over. It is just as hard to do those annoying one off tasks... which reminds me I should call the cable company today to renegotiate my bill. Our annual dance.
Not sure this is exactly tje same as it is more like 'what do I NOT do to get started' and the main one is I don't allow myself to use the snooze button. When that morning alarm goes off I make myself get out of bed straight away. Snooze option is too dangerous!
That’s sort of how I make myself stop scrolling when I’m stuck scrolling. I say, “Okay self, you can scroll THREE more swipes!” Then I count myself down and when I get done I have to PUT MY PHONE DOWN!
I am awful at motivating myself if the desire isn’t there. I try to creat lists to break things down into smaller steps, like instead of just “clean” it will list out “dust, vacuum, mop.” Sometimes it helps me get over the feeling of being overwhelmed which will shut me down, but it doesn’t always give me the “get up and go” I need to do the task. I may give this countdown thing a shot!
You really want to know what works for me? “Busy Philipps is Doing her Best!” I strap on my ear goggles and I’m ready to go, as the Beastie Boys say.
Seriously!!! I only ever get my housework done on Wednesdays.
No matter what the conversation is, I can let my mind go and magically all my chores get done!
As ever, thank you for your good work Caissie. I sure hope you get that gig you shared about.
It sounds soooooo fun!
This is so relatable and also a tough one to answer. In the morning, there’s so much hullabaloo going on (dogs, husband going to works, kid going to school, coffee and tea and breakfast and lunches being made) so I normally am jolted awake with the rest of the crew. If I sleep in a little bit my dogs jump on me and make sure I’m awake. On the weekends unfortunately my internal clock and the dog’s bladders get things going and it’s impossible to sleep in. BUT, I do have moments where I’m zoning out and not doing something I should. Many times I get a little snack first because sometimes low blood sugar makes me unresponsive. Or I give myself a time limit. However, the rewards system doesn’t work on me. I can’t participate in a system enforced by myself to delay the thing I want. Maybe sometimes we just need to be still, and our body is telling us this, if our situation allows.
Ok, before my answer - I just SPIT OUT my coffee laughing during the new pod. Caissie says “I want Lizzos underwear” and I’m like, huh? Then I realized what she was referring to. THEN Caissie goes on about cat 69 position - I LOST IT! Coffee came out of my nose and a little snort too. 🤣 Thanks for making my morning sooooooo much better! 😹
The one thing I do, which I think was mentioned, is set my phone timer for 5 minutes. I use the VERY annoying iPhone default alarm - I try to get everything done before the alarm goes if because I hate the sound so much.
When it comes to work, I just do something, anything. Take the trash out, delete some emails. When I’m stuck and feeling overwhelmed taking any action helps, especially if it requires getting up from my desk and moving my body. I tend to get caught in the what to do first which stalls me. For life, I challenge myself to speed rounds. Ex. I pick a song and challenge myself to fold the laundry before it’s over. Or I set a timer and clean house for 15 minutes, as fast and hard as I can go. I can do anything for 15 minutes right?
I would rebel against myself if I tried to count down, but I do have something I do. I think of “future me” and how she will be so glad that “present me” did the task and that she can relax.
I don’t have a strategy, but I’m here to say that I have been struggling with this SO much the past few months. I really think it may be part of some sort of undiagnosed neurodivergence for me though! 😂 I’m looking forward to reading what y’all post, because I could use as many strategies as possible in my tool belt!
I have the dumbest trick ever. Since I was a kid. I’m usually frozen while watching TV and my first name starts with “m” (hear me out) so I tell myself that I HAVE to get up the next time I hear a word that starts with m. It is the TV giving me a sign to move my butt. It works somehow 😂
Gasp — you’ve gamified the solution! The opposite of “dumbest,” it’s sheer genius!
🤣🤣🤣 well thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever verbalized it before. It’s just one of those things that lives in my brain. And sometimes I up the ante and if I’m feeling really stuck I wait for a multi-syllabic M word. Mono syllabic will not do. 🤷♀️ I’m weird.
On the really hard days, I'll get up, start my morning routine, and then go lay back down in bed for 5-15 minutes. I'll set an alarm and say "Ok, you can fart around for the next 15 mins, then we have to get moving." And because my morning routine is the same I'm able to kind of start mentally preparing my to do list while scrolling through my phone so that when my phone goes off, I'm ready to go. I also got this "to do" list note pad that's been the best one I've tried. It's so simple, One side has 7 am to 9pm so you can write out meeting times, etc. The other side is where you list your tasks and assign a priority number. Most days I will set a block of time aside for the bigger tasks, but otherwise I mark them as I go. It's been an easy way to guide me through the days when I just want to do nothing, but the pile keeps growing.
On weekdays, when I’m truly alone in the house.... I take 30 mins - hour to do my self care. Breakfast, coffee, work on my “Do the Work” workbook and/or crocheting. Things I like better when I’m not interrupted. And then it’s do something... anything... that benefits the house/family. On my high energy days, I just keep rolling or maybe take on a bigger task. On low energy days... I go back to a comfort show and say at least I got that thing done. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do 2?
I like really low expectations so then I can be happy w/ my day on most occasions. Lol. And too many “bad” days is a really slippery slope for me. Also... if I don’t purposely make time for things that make me happy it just won’t happen. Even on the days I scroll more than clean... my self care items get passed on as well.
Ooh I have the Do the Work workbook too. Nice!
Are you enjoying it!? It’s been a perfect for me. A resources I needed.
They do a great job of mixing facts and humor to help make it less painful. It’s tough (and fun) to work on and I wish I had a study group to discuss it with. It feels weird doing it at home alone and that being where it stops.
I think of it as it’s giving me the confidence and language to be more vocal in real life. Like the phrase “unearned social privilege” ... that is way more palatable to some people who don’t want to see their white privilege.
That being said... I’d be open to chatting with you as we make our way through the book! I think it will definitely be helpful to chat with someone on the same step in their journey.
Diane,
I just realized that I accidentally forgot to reply. Sorry!
Yes! I would love to chat about the book. The next couple of weeks I’ll be traveling so I prob won’t be able to get back to the book til mid September. But I’ll be happy to talk then
Sounds great! We isolating family members at the moment... thanks Covid... so it will be a bit before our life settles down a bit. Safe Travels!!
Not sure the best way to communicate... email? Text?
When I was in college and felt like all my assignments were piling up and deadlines just felt insurmountable, I read something that I needed in that moment and it's stuck with me 15 years later. "Treat the things you need to do as if you were eating an elephant. You couldn't eat an elephant all at once, you just have to take it bit by bit." It's pretty gross if you think about it too hard, but it truly helps me put things into perspective when the things on my list start piling up, and remind myself that I just need to go bit by bit, and you know what? It helps me get my stuff done when I realize I don't need to do everything ALL at once. I just need to go slowly bit by bit.
I make a daily list and put tasks that I do everyday that I know I will check off. This gives me the feeling that I’ve already “started” and then can knock out the other items on the list! It’s not a perfect system and it definitely doesn’t work everyday, but more days than not, I’m successful! Small tasks add up and allow headspace to tackle larger tasks!
Don't know if this answers the question, but here are things I consider as I get through the day. Maybe some will help. Maybe some won't. But remember we're all on our own path. We don't always need to do everything the same way because it worked for someone else.
For me there are things that I consider important and that I try to follow.
First, everything is going to take longer than you think, so schedule accordingly. I used to try and get a lot of stuff done in a day and it would eventually overwhelm me. So now, I just plan on getting a couple of things done during the day. I'm not saying put off stuff that's truly important, I'm just saying not everything is that important and those things can often wait. Successfully getting a few things done, some important, some not can feel amazingly fulling. Today for example I have three things. I need to go to Target and to the grocery store. I'm getting a new vacuum so I need to gather up the old one and all the attachments so I can prep them for disposal. When the new vacuum gets here, I need to get familiar with it and prep it for use. It's cordless so I'll need to set up a charging station. The third thing is I have an XBox that I got early in the pandemic and that I don't think I've finished set up on so todays the day when I'll finish it up. Three things one important one not as important and one fun. That's what I can handle today. Three things that even if they go long, I can probably get done and in reality as long as I get the shopping done, I'll be ok.
Back when I was working, there was a time when things got kind of intense. As time went on, I realized that I was on a bad path and not wanting to be further proof that horses asses can outnumber horses, I signed up for stress counseling. The therapist I worked with tried a few things that didn't seem to work. In the second or third session we found the thing that did and it came down to a simple statement that a lot of people tire of hearing from me. "All you can do is all you can do." Sounds kind of dumb, but think about it. If you dod your absolute best, then win or lose you succeeded. Now if you didn't succeed, then you need to learn what you can do differently. Maybe better scheduling. Maybe you need a different skillset. Maybe the other person was just better. Don't dwell on why it didn't work out. Just take the lessons learned and go forward.
There are people that tell you you should always do more, and you can. But it requires you to sacrifice something. Maybe it means time away from your loved ones. sometimes it affects your health, both physical and mental. It's an important thing to consider. Back in my day we'd ask "is the juice worth the squeeze". Is the result worth the sacrifice. Not saying there aren't time when the sacrifice is necessary, but they should be the exception and not the rule.
Always remember, failure is not always a bad thing. In fact when you're working towards a goal failure is an important tool. It lets you know how not to do something. Thomas Edison learned a lot of ways how not to make a light bulb until he found the way that worked. No one likes to fail. No one likes to lose. But if you learn from these experiences you'll get better. And the learning will lead you to success. Be patient and do the work.
It's important to remember to take time to do nothing. To relax and recharge. Back when I was working, I had a meeting with our plant manager. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing well but was sure busy and listed out all the things I was doing. He then asked me the following question. "When do you take time to think?" Took me a while to understand the importance of that question. But I take time to stop and think every day now and it sure helps.
Be honest and direct. Don't give excuses. Sometimes its more important to give the other person what they need instead of what they want. It might not be popular, but most times the people hearing it just don't yet understand what they need. Just make sure your right.
So what it boils down to for me at least is this: Do your best. Be realistic. Be prepared to do the work. Celebrate even small success. Be honest and kind. And always remember. All you can do is all you can do.
I’m a big fan of rewarding myself and making to do lists. Once the list is done, I treat myself to a drink, snack, TV show, etc.
I recently started a Notes app list called Silly List. All the low urgency things I’ve been putting off for months. The idea is to do one thing from the silly list a day, or a week, depending on severity of your procrastination. I made this up so not yet fully tested but I particularly like not seeing these old items on my regular to do list!
Caissie! Relatable as always! I’m a teacher, so I have long summer days where I often don’t do a damn thing, and then many intense days where I have a do a million different things.😵💫😵💫😵💫
I haven’t read all the replies, so I wonder if someone mentioned this. I think I heard this advice on the podcast that John and Hank Green do together (Dear Hank and John). Hank Green said that he does something once a day/week (depending on how much stuff he needs to get done) called a “scary hour.” During the scary hour, you do the stuff you’ve been putting off (making that dentist appointment, call the credit card company, etc). And when the hour is up, you just have to finish whatever task you may be in the middle of, but then you’re done until the next scary hour.
I thought it was genius, so I tried it out a couple of weeks ago and it actually worked! I did things that I had been putting off for a YEAR. But, since then, I haven’t done another scare hour 😬. I think I need to put one on the calendar.
Oh and sometimes everything is just garbage and that’s okay too.
I give myself permission to feel the way I’m feeling (this is how you feel, it’s okay that you feel like this, you can also be mad you feel like this, it’s okay that everything/one feels like they/it sucks) and then I say okay now what to do? And then I try to do a thing and if it doesn’t feel like the thing I try another thing and do another this is how you feel. And then if what I need is to watch a video on YouTube (bc they’re usually short) I do that and then try it all again. And sometimes what I need to do is some sort of crafting or making or coloring because art is my meditation and that can get me going with the practical have-tos. And lists. I love lists. I’m trying really hard to be extra patient with myself right now because I have a lot of medical bullshit happening.
I pick a day at the weekend. Kick everyone else out of the house. Write a list with check boxes. Put on some motivational music LOUD. And work my way through my list, with breaks/rewards after completing a predefined number of tasks. Including wine when all tasks are complete.
This sounds delightful. Tell me more about the key detail “kick everyone else out of the house.” Do they clear out willingly lest they get handed a vacuum cleaner??
Basically yes. Options are “go do something fun/interesting for 4 hours” or “ start by vacuuming the floors”.
Since my husband and 10 yr old aren’t the most efficient/effective cleaners...it’s overall better for everyone for them to head out 😂
I'm a real list bitch. If I'm feeling especially scattered (do I have ADHD?) and end up with lots of unfinished stuff around me, I force myself to write the most basic-ass to-do list there is. Literally: (1) finish making your coffee; (2) empty dishwasher; (3) cut veggies for meal prep; ... and so on. It doesn't matter how basic the task is, it will go on the list. Doing them in order helps quiet the brain so I'm not thinking, "Wait! I need to do this. Oh—and I gotta finish this. Where's my coffee? Oh let me fix that. Dang, I gotta finish those vegetables, too." Whew! When I have to resort to "The List," I scratch off every single thing I've managed, regardless of how insignificant it may seem. At least it's done. I've also taken your advice from one of the podcast episodes in instead of writing a to-do list, write a list of what I managed to do. FaceTimed my dad. Talked to a friend. Bought groceries. It really makes a difference for those days that I've felt I squandered to reframe them with what I accomplished.
It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this feeling of being overwhelmed into inactivity (if that description makes sense). One of the great things about this community is that we have a space to share these parts of ourselves safely and help one another DO OUR BEST. :-)
And thanks, Caissie, for sharing some behind-the-scenes bits with us! I'm sure I'm not the only one dying to know who that rapper was.
I have so many days like this. If it's purely that I'm having trouble getting up and physically moving, I'll try listening to one of the podcasts I really enjoy, such as yours. Something with smart, funny people talking with a lot more energy than I am feeling. It sometimes helps to wake up both my brain and my body. With regard to actually going and doing things, I got some really good advice years ago. Just do one thing on your list. One thing is better than nothing. If you can at least do that, you'll feel like you accomplished something, and sometimes you can get into a rhythm and do a whole bunch of things. It's worth a shot!
I have no idea when or why I started doing this, but I say "ALRIGHT BITCHES" to psyche myself up to do something because then I can't bail on someone with that energy.
My trick is a treat. It helps to give myself a quiet moment or a little treat (like spending time with Ms. Sativa if it’s the right task😏) or eating a good breakfast or lunch while watching a funny show or listening to YOU GUYS, beforehand gets me in the right head space to do something a hate or have been putting off. Also timers are my best friend and great for my kids!
I tell myself I need to do 5 things . It’s a stupid mind game but it makes me feel like I accomplished something and it settles my brain down for the night. Tonight it was - fold a load of laundry , clean out my travel coffee mug, set up the coffee pot for the morning , wash my face and put on a mask and sign a birthday card and bag up the gift. 5 things that made me feel good about myself :)
I hate the sleep paralysis thing! But I also hate just not being able to get started.
I usually make a list and mark things off, sometimes it works, sometimes I throw away the list.
I like your countdown! I’m going to try it. ❤️
I once got the sleep paralysis thing on a plane. A plane! Horrifying.
Oh no! That’s so scary!
Um hai, my name is joules and i live here 🙋♀️ Often, nothing works but lately I’ve been singing(all singing, all the time over here despite general lack of rhythm and ability. Key? What key? Who is she?) i don’t want to, but i have to. I sing that on repeat until I annoy myself enough to get up. If my son is around, he gets annoyed more quickly which has the benefit of being hilarious to me.
I’m a “to do list” kind of girl. I also always start my day with a walk or a run. I find that once I get my body in motion, it sets me up to keep going. I also really enjoy crossing things off a list. There is something so deeply satisfying about it. ❤️
Yes! It’s why I keep a paper calendar still. That black line crossing something out is sooo satisfying.
I have a notebook dedicated to my to do lists! Pencil and paper for the win! Glad I’m not the only one out there!! ❤️
My husband and I worked in store management for a large specialty retailer for about a decade out of college and the one thing that I can say to my husband or mentally to myself that will get either one of us in the right frame of mind to get going on anything that needs to be done is "Road show!". The annual Store Manager meetings were called 'road shows' and we all knew that if we wanted to be promoted or moved to a 'better' store, we had to be early to every event, visibly participate and be on our sparkliest, best behavior during those 2-3 days. We knew that all of the head honchos were judging us even though they said they weren't. In our minds, the noun is now a verb and all either one of us has to do is speak those two words and the other one knows exactly what needs to happen.
the promise of a hot cup of tea is all it takes for me. (hey..that rhymes)
Because my brain is made out of pop culture references, when I can't drag myself out of bed in the morning, I say (out loud to no one), "Hot dog! Lemme at 'em!" Which is a Jeff-Rosso-being-a-dork-on-Freaks-and-Geeks line. It's silly, but it continues to make me laugh and get up after about 20 years of doing it, so it works for me.
I can't say the same line would work for others, but maybe the laugh and thinking of something fun for just a second would...
I go to pop culture too - the Kimmy Schmidt line “you can do anything for 10 seconds.” And then you just say it again every 10 seconds. I find that really motivating!
I’m going to try your line tomorrow morning and see how it feels!
I feel this with work a lot. I usually don’t do anything and then feel guilty and then try to catch up. But what has worked for me is to focus on one thing at a time. Even if it’s just send this email and then stop. Once I start then it’s easier to keep going.
I know I’m my own worst enemy with time so I bargain with myself like you do with toddlers - empty and restack the dishwasher and you get 10 minutes social media time.
I save my favourite podcasts and only listen to them when exercising. Gets me out of bed early because I’m so impatient and those especially long ones *cough BPIDHB cough* are great because I try and knock them out over 2 days.
I also love the dopamine hit from ticking something off a list. My reminders app is as long as “War and Peace”. Any little household chore is assigned a day and time and I get an extra boost if I tick it off before the notification rings.
The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins uses this countdown technique. Pretty effective!
1) If I can’t get myself to start something and I’m wasting time doing something else (like scrolling on my phone) I set a timer on said phone (ie 10 more min of scrolling and then you’re doing x)
2) Bribe myself by promising myself a reward as soon as task is done
3) If it’s something where I’m resisting doing it b/c I think it’s going to take too long, I set a timer and say - you only have to do this for 15 minutes. Like if I have to call my health insurance company and am worried that I’ll sit on hold forever, I just tell myself that I’ll sit on hold for 15 min tops and then cut bait. Obviously this might mean that I have to do the same task another time, but the momentum of starting it is often enough.
4) This isn’t a strategy but I think it’s also helpful to ask yourself why you are having trouble starting said task, and then maybe line up your strategy (like the three above) to the answer you’re getting.
Love all of this!
I’m the queen of zoning out on my bed and then poof 2 hours go by in a flash. I don’t have tips -I’m in the thick of something as far as I can tell- but I will be scouting these comments for tips.
I think we’re all best friends now. I need these tips tooooooooo.
Same! I am now realizing I don’t have any tips or tricks to get my head in the game. How have I been functioning for 36 years?!
I don’t really have any thoughts to share at the moment, but I’m here to listen to what others have to share. I hope to incorporate some of these tips.
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All I know is, I now have Rhythm Nation stuck in my head and I’m not mad about it!!
Also, that song will get you moving, so...
Adderall! I know ADHD seems trendy these days but with the help of a therapist I was able to see that a confluence of different challenges I was trying to tackle were actually symptoms of ADHD. (And oh how I wish I had figured this out 30 years ago.) I'm on a very low dose of Adderall but it does help a lot, and I encourage anyone who has trouble with tasks that seem very doable to the other people in your lives to investigate whether or or not an ADHD diagnosis could be the right fit.
I think this is me too...I’m just unable to book the appointment with my MD to get diagnosed because I’m too overwhelmed.
Would you mind sharing how you and your doctor reached that diagnosis? I suspect I have inattentive ADHD, but so far I have not had success getting a formal diagnosis.
I had been working with my therapist for about 2 years when it came up. I don’t know which one of us suggested that it might be part of the puzzle. I was lucky (?) that I was also already in the care of a psychiatrist (separate clinician), who was able to do the assessment and prescribe medication.
I pick a really easy stupid thing I have been avoiding for weeks and then I just do it. Once I see that doing the thing was easier than all the work I put into avoiding the thing, I do another thing. I was reading somewhere about a german practice of "little shit days" or "Kleinscheiß Tag" where people lump all the little bullshit items into a day and just knock them out.
Lately, I have been trying to make Mondays by little shit days because I can ride the momentum through the week. I also use the countdown sometimes. Another trick is to throw 10 minutes at it but not commit to anything more. Chances are, 10 minutes makes it easier to keep going but you don't have to.
Wow. I do “little shit days” and just thought it was my procrastination finally becoming unavoidable and literally piling up like shit. Now I can do it and feel EuRoPeAn.🤪
hahahahaahaha yesssssssss.
I struggle with this too. Sometimes what helps is to say "I will just (do this thing) for 15 minutes. C'mon, 15 minutes isn't that much time. I can do that." When it works, 15 minutes often becomes 30 or 45 or whatever. And sometimes 15 is just 15, or, you know, 0, because that is how it is...Sometimes.
I was laid off earlier this month. I made a hand written list of things I wanted to get done/have to get done with little boxes to check when I accomplished things. The physical act of checking the box is so satisfying.
I usually get up to get a dove dark chocolate and then get busy when I get back. Lately I've been feeling HEAVY and can't move but it's the time of year. Going back to work/school in a few days. Boo!