GROUP CHATS! GROUP CHATS!
Finally. But I still beat ChatGPT!
Hey Besties! How are you? How’s your week going? We miss you! If you need to catch up on podcast episodes, here are our two latest. Salmon Sperm and Wily Virus!
Now, onto the thing a couple hundred of you have been waiting so patiently for! GROUP CHATS! Listen, was there a better way to do this? Probably. Every time I do any organizational self-assignment, I am well into whatever task using the most stone aged technology choice possible when I think, “Huh. I probably should have used Google Forms or some shit?” So, for the past few weeks, I have been pecking away at a spreadsheet during my spare time like I work in Macrodata Refinement at Lumon. The work is mysterious and important!
While I feel shame that I didn’t think of a better way to manage this, I am proud that I did it by hand, and with my brain, while the ChatGPT experiment I tried is still only halfway through the job, and not doing a very GOOD job of it either. AI, you not only stink, you suck.
I used my human intelligence, limited as it may be, to match people that had at least a couple of things in common, while also not having everything in common. Variety is the spice, right? I learned that the majority of you, if given a choice of any meal in the world, would pick pasta, followed by Mexican. Many of you love a Marg OR a Martooni! The favorite TV show among respondents was Shrinking, by a country mile, followed by Severance and also there was a great showing for Somebody Somewhere. Note to self: create a show with an S title, sell it & become an instant success, like Succession! Many of you love the movies Clueless & The Princess Bride. My personal heart was also warmed by all the love for my Prince. It was so much fun getting to know you even better than I had before!
Most groups are four people. Some are five. Some are three. I didn’t want to adhere to rigid rules, because there are no rules. Well, except, please be kind and respectful to each other. Opening up to befriend anyone new takes a lot of guts and a certain level of compassion and empathy for another being. Even if you find that you don’t actually have that much in common in practice, take very good care of each others’ hearts, with which you’ve been entrusted. I know you know what I mean, so I shan’t belabor it any longer!
Ok, but back to how I did this all wrong, LOL! I should NOT have done this all via Substack. I thought I’d just match you all up, then send out group emails to introduce you to each other. Oh ho ho, no! Even though I have a list of all of your emails, the search function that I would use to match your username to your email is VERY POOR! So while your user name here might be “Rebecca” - if you used an email like “ManicPixieDreamNurse1980@hotmail.com” to sign up it would just return no results. Listen, I get it. I still keep my AOL email address from 1996 to use for CVS coupons. I wish I had screengrabbed my chat with their helper bot apologetically explaining to me there was no way they could find out who many of you are either. Maybe that’s security reasons above my pay grade? I also can’t seem to tag you or DM multiple people in one group on Substack, which feels wild, but I guess I should have checked that too. Maybe I’ll figure some of it out as I go? Sweaty faced emoji!
Here’s how I’m gonna do it. Just like play or chorus tryouts in school. I’ll post the list of groups with screen names & user names & if you signed up to be put in a group chat, you’re gonna have to go down the list with your finger looking for yourself. Then you have to find each other! My suggestion is: whoever sees themselves first, post a comment below with your group name, try to tag your fellow members if you can, and then everyone else in the group can reply to that comment. Does this make sense? Am I making sense?
Once you’re gathered together in the comment section of your group, you’ll have to reach some consensus about how to get in touch with each other, whether you decide to email, text, or if you’re rightfully wary about giving out your personal info to strangers who aren’t yet pals, consider Instagram DMs or the Signal app. Perhaps one person from each group can take the lead in DMing the other individuals in each group to get the ball rolling & exchange pertinent info.
FYI, once you get 50-75% of your group, don’t be shy about getting started. I say with love, as someone who has messaged people on here that they’ve won a free prize, they still might take a minute to get in touch. Or they might never? Just being honest! People have a lot going on.
This will all be a fun adventure & a good group dynamic exercise & if anyone is truly stumped as to how to move forward, I will try to help. If you signed up but somehow your name is not listed, let me know! If I put you down twice, I’m sorry. Maybe you’ll enjoy being in two chats or maybe you’ll have to quit one. But I have every confidence you all will work it out beautifully on your own. And feel free to change your meaningless randomly assigned group names, of course!
P.S. Every time we do this, as soon as I hit send, someone will message me that they missed the boat or they were too shy but now regret it, etc. That’s ok! But my little fingers are exhausted & I don’t know when I’m gonna do this again, though, so there’s nothing saying you can’t take bold action on your own! Look over the comments on the original post & see if there’s anyone you think you’d vibe with & INTRODUCE YOURSELF & ask if they have room in their chat for you! ORIG GROUP CHAT POST WITH SIGNUPS
Without further blather:
THE APPLES
Sam Kimbrow @kimbrowaf
Katie Longstreth @katielongstreth861933
Amy Russell @amyrussell215193
Laura Free @lfree385
THE BANANAS
Najeebah @najeebah744905
Jen @jenkibart
Erika Marie @erikamarie
Meredith B @meredithb471846
Heather B @heatherbrown545983
THE CHERRIES
Sansanee @sansanee1
Kristina Gonera @krisjoyg
Michelle Z @michellez965424
Megan Murphy @meganmurphy121400
Kelly @ks12596242
THE DRAGON FRUITS
Erin @erin863753
Betsy Shelton @betsyshelton347224
Lissa Filose @lissawf
Connie @connie384455
THE FIGS
Mary MacFarlane @marymacfarlane
Jenna Hasskarl @jennahasskarl
Kerry @thekerry
Sara @sara879794
THE GOOSEBERRIES
Jessica @jessica725712
Katie Hughes-Pucci @katiehughespucci399592
Jenna @jenna574294
Maggie @maggie299069
Diana Franco @dianafranco
THE HUCKLEBERRIES
Jenn Med @jennmed403169
Molly Breslin @mollybreslin925288
Kir @kir1768243
THE JUJUBES
DJ TJ @djtj812412
Meredith S @merediths1
Kristine Kristine
Julie H @gigi76
THE KIWIS
Célia Bourgues @cliabourgues338426
Ellie @ellie263453
Angie @angie312837
THE LEMONS
Nico @yumbeans
Kendra Sullivan @kendraasullivanwv
Nia Pleasants @niafancypants
THE MANGOES
Hayden @hayden148436
Jennifer Savasta @jenniferleigh33
Kathy @kathy102841
Karen @karen732819
Leah @leah476666
THE NECTARINES
Lindsey Summers @summers108
Beth J. Cooper @bcoop74
Grace @gracetj
THE ORANGES
Tanya S @tanyas668650
Lee @lee1697937
Rachel @rachelkalilcolbourn
Missy Solon @missysolon333765
Leslie @lesliekarp
THE PEACHES
Rachel @rachel511581
Leslie @leslie670761
Doctor.Katie.M @drkatiem
Meghan @clickyourheels
THE QUINCES
Kristi Bisbee @kristibisbee407318
Hannah @hannahef
Krystle Rose @krystlerose194018
Christie T @christieti
THE RASPBERRIES
Kerry @thekerry
Lauren @lauren605653
Kerri @kerriannm
Kristin Ansari @kristinansari
THE STRAWBERRIES
Cat @cat1670884
Kristen Deininger @kristendeininger
Mary Budd @marybudd669139
Sam Biffle @sambiffle984581
THE TANGERINES
Corinne @corinnehammons
Kelsey Fitta @kelseyfitta386409
Katy @madelinekahncrete
Jackie S @jackies427003
THE WALNUTS
Leslie @leslaluna
Alyson @alysterner
Jessica @jessica172645
Kari Shoe @karishoe
THE ALMOND JOYS
Laura @laura116681
Jessica @jessica172645
Amy @amy1610485
Vicki Salemi @vickisalemi
THE BUTTERFINGERS
Ashley @ashley602727
Leslie Whitney @lesliewhitney153930
Bridget Ruth @bridgetruth134429
THE CANDY CORNS
Amanda W @amandaw174046
Jess Allison @heyjalli
Lianna @saffrondream
THE DOVES
Julie Thomason @juliethomason
Brianne @brianne559753
Andrea @andrea186235
Vicky @fauxfox
Jocelyn @jocelyn732182
THE ESPRESSOS
Olivia Darzell @oliviadk
Diana @diana250924
Bonnie Lybrook @bonnielybrook240073
THE FUN DIPS
Jules Albanese @julejules
Deb Harris-Balling @debharrisballing260965
Caroline Willson @carolinewillson559321
Cassie @cassanine
Kate Klint @kateklint823250
THE GOBSTOPPERS
Siara @imsiara
Kelli @kelli452641
Kim Lane @kimlane606988
Tami Hutchinson @tamihutchinson
THE HERSHEY’S KISSES
Dana Opalinsky @bloomyogasews
Nicole Bianchi @cokeekers
Katie @katie737271
Sy_D @sydneyd459477
Carly @cbknit
THE ICE BREAKERS
Janice Harris @justferjanice
Herman Maestas @hermanm Herman
Shawna Raymond @shawnaraymond228591
Ruth Gutierrez @ruthgutierrez985020
THE JUNIOR MINTS
Meaghan Brock @meaghanbrock
Randi Edelson @randiedelson
Kelsey @itsalllllllhappening
THE KIT KATS
Becca Kottler @beccakottler
Krista @krista935198
Rekha K @linesofine
THE LIFE SAVERS
Kate Poore @kitkate
Tori K @torik247884
Katie Heald @katieheald929749
Angela Hernandez @angelahernandez428484
THE MARSHMALLOWS
Shawn Nicole Kanning @shawnnicolekanning280872
Nicole Wilson @nicolewilson250434
Amy Jones @ajjones203
Sherry Jones @sherryjones947892
THE NERDS CLUSTER
Nakia @nakia963544
Ashleigh Stanczak @MYLITTLETHUNDERTHIGHS
Tara Hughes @tarahughes899939
Jennifer A Bertram @jenniferbertram
THE OTTER POPS
Ali @ali1879415
C_B @cli2thebee
Megan @megan325346
Anna Schenk @annaschenk611781
Alanna Boudreau @alannaboudreau927939
THE POP TARTS
Atlanta Daniel @atlantadaniel
Sarah @scarahbe
Faye @fayevivi
Leah Feyereisen @leahfeyereisen
THE RAZZLES
Amy Barnard @amybarnard
Kerri Staack @kls602
Emily S @emilys595616
THE SMARTIES
Diana D @dianad738360
Megan Heubner @meganheubner581042
Dani Finkelpitney @cruciald45
THE TWIZZLERS
Joanna @joanna523934
Good_Karma_Delivery_Person @goodkarmadeliveryperson
Biz Bergin @bizbergin166533
Sherine Toussaint @sherinetoussaint
THE UNICORNS
Beth @bethship
Cat Finch Boz @catfinchboz101633
Shawneen @shawneen431648
Sunny @sunny1shine
THE VIOLETS
Tashia Graham @tashiagraham881210
Cassandra @cassandra981825
Laura B @laurab179688
Adrianne Marks @madriannem
THE WAX LIPS
Andrea Shelton @andreashelton876783
Deb Freeman @debfreeman461066
Amanda Thompson @mercerthompson
THE ZAGNUTS
Meredith @meredith152100
Kim @kimwang
Claire Semple @clairesemple256622
Cat @cat1670884
THE BUTTERCUPS
Gina Gonzales Gina Gonzales
LizzyCrimson @lizzycrimson
Julie Moyer @juliemoyer484162
Tanya Bennett @tanisjb
THE CARNATIONS
Erin @erin863753
Marcela @marcela113703
Anna @anna156376
THE DAISIES
Amanda @amanda531855
Casey Saucedo @caseysaucedo618557
Vanessa Brack @vanessabrack692614
Nicole McDermott @nicmcdtq
THE FOXGLOVES
Devon Fitzgerald @devonfitzgerald
Susan @susan808106
Karita Kuosmanen @karitakuosmanen
THE GARDENIAS
Emily Christen @ylime11
Katie Klim @katieklim221702
Carey @carey303173
And Caissie - thank you so, so much for this labor of love. And fruit. And candy.
Thank you for all this work, Caissie! It’s a huge undertaking and is much appreciated. I also really like that we’re too much for AI. That’s how we defeat the robots!