Hi, it’s me, Caissie! I feel like I have been on another planet for the past few weeks, but I am slowly returning to earth’s atmosphere & resuming my duties as a semi-productive citizen of the world.
Yesterday was my birthday, but as has become a bleh tradition with me, the day was kind of crowded out by the lingering business of burying parents. I guess the “good” news is I’m all out of parents? Unless I get adopted by a bald rich guy. C’mon, Jeff Bezos, it would be kind of funny, no? I would even change my name to Caissos Bezos for the bit.
Anyhoozle, thank you for all the birthday wishes! They truly made my day more pleasant. I think we’re going to attempt some type of family celebration on Saturday, LOL. Maybe I will eat something made of wheat and sugar that will be fun for one second and that I will then deeply regret for the rest of the night and the following day? You know what they say, “A moment on the lips, then for 48 hours, your nose sneezes and drips…you absolute fucking weirdo.”
The *real* treat for my birthday yesterday was getting to record a new pod with Busy and with our guest, one of my favorite writers and people in general, Samantha Irby. She just makes me laugh so hard! And I really admire her for a million reasons. Her new book “Quietly Hostile” is already a bestseller, because of course it is. You should read it. While you’re waiting for your copy to be delivered, please enjoy this episode of BPIDHB with her.
And, as always, if you have already listened, please, please, use this post as your official episode comment & discussion thread! I love & live for your comments. Unless they’re mean, in which case I want you to know that you’ve wasted your own precious time & that you’re not even really that good at being mean compared to other mean people I have met. But the comments are hardly ever mean, because we are so lucky to know the best people here.
In fact, I am so looking forward to your comments, that I have an extra copy of Sam’s book. Even though it’s not Friday, doesn’t mean we can’t do a little giveaway. Anyone who comments, I’ll enter you in a rando drawing about 48 hours from now & winner gets their own copy of “Quietly Hostile” to laugh at until your pelvic floor just collapses. Sound good? YAY!
I’m very behind but I had to comment on how great the convo with Samantha was! I laughed so many times and actually listened to a couple of parts more than once. I really hope she comes back on the pod as a guest host!
I completely related to the ornament and nativity talk. My mom has collected angel ornaments for years (now it's antique teapots) and my dad would also put out a ceramic nativity. My sister and I loved setting out all of the animals, he'd make a background with white christmas lights for stars, we'd paint a blue foil river and make sure all the animals moved to it drink once in awhile. They still have this, one of the goats has a broken leg but damn it, he will still get water and celebrate baby Jesus! And we are not religious - I was obsessed with Christmas Eve Midnight Mass for a time as a kid but that was it. And my moms angel ornaments, those just feel like "home" when I get to go spend Christmas with them on the east coast. It's weird having my own Christmas traditions now with my SO here in CA, then going to see them and having my childhood traditions there. But I love it. Thanks for reminding me of these things Caissie!
Happy belated birthday Caissie! I know they're not your thing and I feel you, especially with my 40th looming but had to send you best wishes through all the shit!!! I'm childless but could really use the commune too!❤️
Happy belated birthday Caissie! Life has been hectic lately so was a wee bit behind on the pod but back on track now!
I just want to say I feel so much for Busy with Birdie's imminent boarding school adventure. The only thing I can say though is that I feel like Birdie's confidence to give this a go is a testament to Busy (and Mark's) parenting and what feels like heartbreak is actually success. Which is small comfort I am sure but man, I hope my kids grow up to feel so sure of the safety net they have in me to give life a real go even if it is hard or might not work out.
Hi-It's been a minute. Happy belated birthday, Caissie! I hope you had a good day.
I do need to apologize. Every time you two talk crystals and astrology it's easy for me to just pooh-pooh it. So about a month ago when Busy mentioned that Mercury was in retrograde and it was almost over and we needed to be careful, i just pooh-poohed it again. But, later I made a sandwich using multigrain bread and there must have been an incorrectly milled piece of grain in it and I bit down and broke a molar. Made an emergency dental appointment and i had a couple of options. One was to install a crown and the other was an extraction. The dentists and technicians and basically everyone who knows stuff about teeth and reading dental X-rays didn't think a crown would work and recommended extraction. But being a person who will bet that the best will happen, I voted for the crown and against all advice we started. As we went through the process things started looking better and after almost three hours in the chair, I ended up with a temporary crown. Two weeks later as everything looked good, we exchanged it for a permanent crown (essentially it's a false tooth but instead of a bridge or implant it's supported by the root structure of my original tooth) and it's been a couple of weeks now and it looks like it's going to work out. Two things. First betting that the best will happen can sometimes work out. Second, looks like I need to do my research and learn about crystals and how the planets affect me. Also, I feel there will be less multigrain bread in my house in the future.
Busy, a couple of weeks ago, you mentioned that you might want to try river rafting. I've only done it once more than 25 years ago but I did go through Cataract Canyon like your guest did. All I can say it it was one heck of a trip and the memories I made on it are just as vivid today as when I made them. That said, if you're not used to camping and don't have a lot of river rafting gear, I'd suggest maybe trying a day trip instead of a 7-14 day excursion. I'm not familiar with opportunities in the east, but I know there are outfitters who do day trips out west, on the Rio Grande near Taos, on the Animas River near Durango, and on the Snake River near Jackson Hole. If you want to leap in and run Cataract Canyon there are outfitters based in Moab, Utah who can set you up and even rent you the dry bags and storage boxes and even tents, air mattresses and sleeping bags. If you go, keep an open mind, be safe, hang on and have fun. Go early in the summer as the snow melt will make the river levels higher and the rapids bigger. I'll also note that on these kind of treks, bathroom facilities are at best kindly described as primitive and a key thing to remember is the longer multi-day trips are usually "pack in, pack out" trips which means you you have to pack all your waste, including your poop out. This may seem like madness but we also don't want our rivers ending up in a Mount Everest situation.
One last thing. Lots of people are traveling this year. If you go to a National Park please give a wide berth to the wild animals and especially don't disturb baby animals you may happen upon.
Other than that please do what you can to spread kindness. Take care everyone. Enjoy your summers!
Happiest birthday, Caissie 🎉🌞🤓 extra extra thankful for the pod this week bc I’m trying to pack up my apartment as a major clothes hoarder/ perfectionist procrastinator. Podcasts are the sole salvation 💪💪💪
Listening to the part about kids graduating/leaving the nest. I absolutely think it’s grief! And growth... I for sure grieved hard when my first child left the nest, and I celebrated for her and cheered for her, and I grew in many ways too. It’s multilayered in my experience. It’s many things... since my first one left, I’ve been sitting in the mystery of impermanence and all of the losses we experience big and small daily. I have to remind myself to stay open and vulnerable in order to grow... and then I’m hit with it all again every time my adult babies come and go... grieving was a vital part of my growing process. I think we, as a culture, really want to run away from grief. But the only way through is through..I’m wishing all of the mamas whose babies are moving on and out, grief ritual, space to grieve, and community to grieve with! 💜
I can totally relate to Busy, my oldest is 14 and she just graduated 8th grade and it is exciting and overwhelming that she is off ro high school. I don't even feel like I have had a chance to process it as she graduated Tuesday, and then on Wednesday we qwre at the high school for the band meeting for parents about band camp over the summer for marching band and the schedule for it. I love Cassie how you said, its not grief, ita growth. I love the reframing 💗 sending hugs to Busy on this journey with Birdie and your health and to you Cassie on your birthday 🎂
Listening to this weeks podcast. Just live the not watching the rest of series even when you like it. I do this all the time but one that stands out for me is that I haven’t finished watching The Wire which I love because I just don’t want to see Michael K Williams character Omar’s demise. I know it’s going to happen and I just cannot.....
Also, I may be an outlier, but I've never had a drink with egg whites that wasn't delicious! It's true! Although definitely not if you are allergic to egg whites!
Happy belated birthday Caissie! I’m exactly the same about my birthday, but I tend to make a big deal about other people’s birthday.
Samantha was great! As a fellow Chicago native I appreciated her perspective. “The other white meat” haha. Chicago is an incredible city, and those who know it, know it, but we also don’t feel the need to say it’s the greatest city in the world (I’m talking to you New York). Anyway, looking forward to reading her book(s)!
I was so delighted to learn that Samantha Irby is just as hilarious on a podcast as she is in her writing. I'm still laughing at Caissie's DIY Satanist comment. Thanks for all that you and Busy share with us. Sending all the love and light
Happy belated birthday! I’m sure it’s been an exhausting month. My husband and I own a funeral home in a small town in Canada and it’s hard to see families in grief. It is exhausting for everyone so I feel for you. I hope now that it’s complete you can find at least a bit of peace. Xo
Happy belated birthday, Caissie! I haven't had a chance to finish the pod yet, but Samantha was one of the first people I followed when I finally got an Instagram account, and your conversation with her is such a delight so far!
When I was looking through the documentaries section on (not HBO) Max, I found the original cast recording of Company doc so I watched that and then hopped over to Netflix to watch Busy’s recommended episode of Documentary Now. Highly recommend for all musical fans. Paula Pell as Elaine Stritch is hilarious 🤣
Sorry this is off topic. I have a random question about the BPIDHB episode with Shannon Watts from a year ago. I recall Shannon saying that there are resources on the Moms Demand Action website about how to initiate a conversation with your kid's friend's parent about whether they own guns and how they are stored. I am struggling to find this kind of info on that site. Are my Google skills weak? Did I dream that Shannon said this because I wanted it to be true? Besides a CNN article on this topic, where else can I get solid advice about this? TIA
If all else fails, I'll go back and re-listen to that pod, but would prefer to avoid that sadness right now.
That cover skunk makes me really want that book. Also, what you wrote about the author AND, I'm sure, her delightful conversation I will hear when I finally get it together to listen to this week's episode!
Happy belated, Caissie!! Great ep today. I LOVE Sam Irby. And am down for any kind of middle-aged women commune, where we form a jam band called The Freelance Satanists.
I’m not even halfway through this week’s episode and already so much to relate to! Oh man, the grief of setting a child free to be independent. And then the “extra mom” convo. I have a weird combo of those because I’ve gotten to be the extra mom to the most amazing kid since she was 14 (she’s now 25). And her mom is... not the most reliable. So I was the one who hosted Christmas and threw her giant graduation party and took her to get her driver’s license. And whoo boy the PAIN of empty nest syndrome combined with the utter confusion of never having *had* an official nest... all the feelings.
Also highly related to the mushroom incident as our dog recently got very suddenly ill and when we rushed to the emergency vet the doc looked suspiciously at us and said “That dog is STONED.” Turns out he had found part of an edible candy on the beach. I can’t imagine what was happening in his lil brain 😱 😂
Happy birthday, Caissie! I’m about halfway through the ep and I have to say, Busy is right about your t-shirt quotes! T-shirts, magnets, coffee mugs...I’d buy them all. ❤️
there are 69 comments as i write--heh. which is to say cheers to other, less bleh birthdays ahead. may this turn around the sun have joy and giggles and only the best comments. xoxo
Happy Birthday Caissie, thanks for the great giveaway, I have read Samantha’s book We Are Never Meeting In Real Life and I loved it, I am definitely buying this one anyway (whether I win or not!)
Caissie! As the birthday girl you win for biggest Sam fan. However, I get second! Let me be a creep (or enthusiast) as I share that I listen to the audio versions of her books as I fall asleep. The absolute best sleep meditation around! Who doesn’t need a dose of humor and delight as they drift off to dream land!? (Wow I hope Samantha knows how loved she is) Which can be said too, for this pod conversation. So much resonated. As a solo parent by choice, the idea of this commune is hitting home. I’m moving in July and am going to start of fresh community of friends. Sending all love to all here ❤️
Just read that Samantha wrote the latest AJLT
love that for her; who cool !!
I’m very behind but I had to comment on how great the convo with Samantha was! I laughed so many times and actually listened to a couple of parts more than once. I really hope she comes back on the pod as a guest host!
I completely related to the ornament and nativity talk. My mom has collected angel ornaments for years (now it's antique teapots) and my dad would also put out a ceramic nativity. My sister and I loved setting out all of the animals, he'd make a background with white christmas lights for stars, we'd paint a blue foil river and make sure all the animals moved to it drink once in awhile. They still have this, one of the goats has a broken leg but damn it, he will still get water and celebrate baby Jesus! And we are not religious - I was obsessed with Christmas Eve Midnight Mass for a time as a kid but that was it. And my moms angel ornaments, those just feel like "home" when I get to go spend Christmas with them on the east coast. It's weird having my own Christmas traditions now with my SO here in CA, then going to see them and having my childhood traditions there. But I love it. Thanks for reminding me of these things Caissie!
Happy belated birthday Caissie! I know they're not your thing and I feel you, especially with my 40th looming but had to send you best wishes through all the shit!!! I'm childless but could really use the commune too!❤️
Happy belated birthday Caissie! Life has been hectic lately so was a wee bit behind on the pod but back on track now!
I just want to say I feel so much for Busy with Birdie's imminent boarding school adventure. The only thing I can say though is that I feel like Birdie's confidence to give this a go is a testament to Busy (and Mark's) parenting and what feels like heartbreak is actually success. Which is small comfort I am sure but man, I hope my kids grow up to feel so sure of the safety net they have in me to give life a real go even if it is hard or might not work out.
Hi-It's been a minute. Happy belated birthday, Caissie! I hope you had a good day.
I do need to apologize. Every time you two talk crystals and astrology it's easy for me to just pooh-pooh it. So about a month ago when Busy mentioned that Mercury was in retrograde and it was almost over and we needed to be careful, i just pooh-poohed it again. But, later I made a sandwich using multigrain bread and there must have been an incorrectly milled piece of grain in it and I bit down and broke a molar. Made an emergency dental appointment and i had a couple of options. One was to install a crown and the other was an extraction. The dentists and technicians and basically everyone who knows stuff about teeth and reading dental X-rays didn't think a crown would work and recommended extraction. But being a person who will bet that the best will happen, I voted for the crown and against all advice we started. As we went through the process things started looking better and after almost three hours in the chair, I ended up with a temporary crown. Two weeks later as everything looked good, we exchanged it for a permanent crown (essentially it's a false tooth but instead of a bridge or implant it's supported by the root structure of my original tooth) and it's been a couple of weeks now and it looks like it's going to work out. Two things. First betting that the best will happen can sometimes work out. Second, looks like I need to do my research and learn about crystals and how the planets affect me. Also, I feel there will be less multigrain bread in my house in the future.
Busy, a couple of weeks ago, you mentioned that you might want to try river rafting. I've only done it once more than 25 years ago but I did go through Cataract Canyon like your guest did. All I can say it it was one heck of a trip and the memories I made on it are just as vivid today as when I made them. That said, if you're not used to camping and don't have a lot of river rafting gear, I'd suggest maybe trying a day trip instead of a 7-14 day excursion. I'm not familiar with opportunities in the east, but I know there are outfitters who do day trips out west, on the Rio Grande near Taos, on the Animas River near Durango, and on the Snake River near Jackson Hole. If you want to leap in and run Cataract Canyon there are outfitters based in Moab, Utah who can set you up and even rent you the dry bags and storage boxes and even tents, air mattresses and sleeping bags. If you go, keep an open mind, be safe, hang on and have fun. Go early in the summer as the snow melt will make the river levels higher and the rapids bigger. I'll also note that on these kind of treks, bathroom facilities are at best kindly described as primitive and a key thing to remember is the longer multi-day trips are usually "pack in, pack out" trips which means you you have to pack all your waste, including your poop out. This may seem like madness but we also don't want our rivers ending up in a Mount Everest situation.
One last thing. Lots of people are traveling this year. If you go to a National Park please give a wide berth to the wild animals and especially don't disturb baby animals you may happen upon.
Other than that please do what you can to spread kindness. Take care everyone. Enjoy your summers!
Loved loved loved the pod this week!!! So good!! Happy Birthday week Caissie! We are reading the book for our work IRG book club!
Ahhhh I missed this giveaway? My favourite one yet. No, universe. No.
Happy Birthday! Hope you had a great celebration tonight( yesterday? It’s very late...just catching up:))!
Happy Birthday Caissie! You deserve the best! 🖤
Happiest birthday, Caissie 🎉🌞🤓 extra extra thankful for the pod this week bc I’m trying to pack up my apartment as a major clothes hoarder/ perfectionist procrastinator. Podcasts are the sole salvation 💪💪💪
Listening to the part about kids graduating/leaving the nest. I absolutely think it’s grief! And growth... I for sure grieved hard when my first child left the nest, and I celebrated for her and cheered for her, and I grew in many ways too. It’s multilayered in my experience. It’s many things... since my first one left, I’ve been sitting in the mystery of impermanence and all of the losses we experience big and small daily. I have to remind myself to stay open and vulnerable in order to grow... and then I’m hit with it all again every time my adult babies come and go... grieving was a vital part of my growing process. I think we, as a culture, really want to run away from grief. But the only way through is through..I’m wishing all of the mamas whose babies are moving on and out, grief ritual, space to grieve, and community to grieve with! 💜
Just dropping by to say we need a “Busy Bets on Twins” shirt for merch. 💚
Happy Birthday Cassie!!! Great Pod as usual. SO interesting to learn about Samantha Irby - never heard of her. Would LOVE the book!!!
Happy birthday Cassie!
I can totally relate to Busy, my oldest is 14 and she just graduated 8th grade and it is exciting and overwhelming that she is off ro high school. I don't even feel like I have had a chance to process it as she graduated Tuesday, and then on Wednesday we qwre at the high school for the band meeting for parents about band camp over the summer for marching band and the schedule for it. I love Cassie how you said, its not grief, ita growth. I love the reframing 💗 sending hugs to Busy on this journey with Birdie and your health and to you Cassie on your birthday 🎂
I. Love. Her. Samantha Irby is THE BEST! I can’t wait to read this book.
Happy Belated Birthday Caissie! Looking forward to finishing the pod today!
Birthdays are always a great excuse to celebrate....work it for at least a week!! 🎂 Looking forward to listening to the new pod!!
Happy belated Caissie day! Thanks for all the wisdom, vulnerability and laughs you bring us on the pod ❤️
Happy belated birthday Caissie and welcome back to Earth! lol
I am still
Listening to this weeks podcast. Just live the not watching the rest of series even when you like it. I do this all the time but one that stands out for me is that I haven’t finished watching The Wire which I love because I just don’t want to see Michael K Williams character Omar’s demise. I know it’s going to happen and I just cannot.....
Happy Birthday, Caissie!!
Also, I may be an outlier, but I've never had a drink with egg whites that wasn't delicious! It's true! Although definitely not if you are allergic to egg whites!
Happy belated birthday Caissie! I’m exactly the same about my birthday, but I tend to make a big deal about other people’s birthday.
Samantha was great! As a fellow Chicago native I appreciated her perspective. “The other white meat” haha. Chicago is an incredible city, and those who know it, know it, but we also don’t feel the need to say it’s the greatest city in the world (I’m talking to you New York). Anyway, looking forward to reading her book(s)!
Such a great episode! I needed those laughs.
OMG - A huge lightbulb just went off! My parents have never apologized to me. Do I remember a time I feel like they should have? No. But still. Wow.
Happiest birthday to you Caissie! Thank you for all you do on the pod, and thank you for your very wise and hilarious words. 💜
I was so delighted to learn that Samantha Irby is just as hilarious on a podcast as she is in her writing. I'm still laughing at Caissie's DIY Satanist comment. Thanks for all that you and Busy share with us. Sending all the love and light
Happy belated birthday! I’m sure it’s been an exhausting month. My husband and I own a funeral home in a small town in Canada and it’s hard to see families in grief. It is exhausting for everyone so I feel for you. I hope now that it’s complete you can find at least a bit of peace. Xo
Happy belated birthday, Caissie! I haven't had a chance to finish the pod yet, but Samantha was one of the first people I followed when I finally got an Instagram account, and your conversation with her is such a delight so far!
I live for pod release days! 💕
Happy Birthday Cassie!! Fellow Gemini here turning 51 next week! 👏🥂💐
Happy birthday Caissie!
When I was looking through the documentaries section on (not HBO) Max, I found the original cast recording of Company doc so I watched that and then hopped over to Netflix to watch Busy’s recommended episode of Documentary Now. Highly recommend for all musical fans. Paula Pell as Elaine Stritch is hilarious 🤣
Happy Birthday Caissie!🎁🎂🎉❤️
HB(belated)D to the best t-shirt quote maker we all adore 🥳
Happy belated birthday! Put me in for the commune.
Sorry this is off topic. I have a random question about the BPIDHB episode with Shannon Watts from a year ago. I recall Shannon saying that there are resources on the Moms Demand Action website about how to initiate a conversation with your kid's friend's parent about whether they own guns and how they are stored. I am struggling to find this kind of info on that site. Are my Google skills weak? Did I dream that Shannon said this because I wanted it to be true? Besides a CNN article on this topic, where else can I get solid advice about this? TIA
If all else fails, I'll go back and re-listen to that pod, but would prefer to avoid that sadness right now.
I'd love a copy! I've read two of her other books and loveeee hearing her on podcasts!
I love Samantha's book covers. So fun!
That cover skunk makes me really want that book. Also, what you wrote about the author AND, I'm sure, her delightful conversation I will hear when I finally get it together to listen to this week's episode!
Happy belated, Caissie!! Great ep today. I LOVE Sam Irby. And am down for any kind of middle-aged women commune, where we form a jam band called The Freelance Satanists.
I’m not even halfway through this week’s episode and already so much to relate to! Oh man, the grief of setting a child free to be independent. And then the “extra mom” convo. I have a weird combo of those because I’ve gotten to be the extra mom to the most amazing kid since she was 14 (she’s now 25). And her mom is... not the most reliable. So I was the one who hosted Christmas and threw her giant graduation party and took her to get her driver’s license. And whoo boy the PAIN of empty nest syndrome combined with the utter confusion of never having *had* an official nest... all the feelings.
Also highly related to the mushroom incident as our dog recently got very suddenly ill and when we rushed to the emergency vet the doc looked suspiciously at us and said “That dog is STONED.” Turns out he had found part of an edible candy on the beach. I can’t imagine what was happening in his lil brain 😱 😂
Happy birthday, Caissie! I’m about halfway through the ep and I have to say, Busy is right about your t-shirt quotes! T-shirts, magnets, coffee mugs...I’d buy them all. ❤️
there are 69 comments as i write--heh. which is to say cheers to other, less bleh birthdays ahead. may this turn around the sun have joy and giggles and only the best comments. xoxo
In my 20s/post-college, I also remember my mom saying to me tearfully, “I don’t even know your clothes anymore” 🥹
Happy Birthday Caissie, thanks for the great giveaway, I have read Samantha’s book We Are Never Meeting In Real Life and I loved it, I am definitely buying this one anyway (whether I win or not!)
Caissie! As the birthday girl you win for biggest Sam fan. However, I get second! Let me be a creep (or enthusiast) as I share that I listen to the audio versions of her books as I fall asleep. The absolute best sleep meditation around! Who doesn’t need a dose of humor and delight as they drift off to dream land!? (Wow I hope Samantha knows how loved she is) Which can be said too, for this pod conversation. So much resonated. As a solo parent by choice, the idea of this commune is hitting home. I’m moving in July and am going to start of fresh community of friends. Sending all love to all here ❤️
Happy birthday! This episode was, in fact, a good one!
Adding Samatha’s books to my list! ❤️
Happiest of birthdays to you! Quietly
Hostile feels like a good tattoo to get....
Happy birthday Caissie! Thank you thank you for everything 💕