Hi--coming in late again, but in my defense, I've started this several times. Busy, I'm so sorry that your friend Kate passed away. I didn't know her, but from the love I hear in your voice and the pictures you've shared, she was a great friend. From my experience, Caissie, got this right. When someone important to you dies, it sucks. No two ways about it. And it's just tough. And you're going to grieve. And I'll tell you from my experience from when my mom died, 13 years ago, it still sucks. But you learn how to manage it. And your friends help you. So eventually, you celebrate your memories. Some days, you'll smile when a memory comes to the surface that reminds you of the good times. But sometimes, something will happen, something that may seem unrelated, but whatever it is, will cause a memory to flood up and you'll just need to stop and cry for a while. But bottom line, we're lucky to have people in our lives that are important, and when they pass on, all we can do is the best that we can and go on.
I was also distressed to see that the covid virus raised up and grabbed you. I know that you keep up with your inoculations (old people like me still use this word) and from the stories you share on Instagram, it looks like it's a mild case and you're recovering. But I am glad to see you did the right stuff. Too many people have fallen back into the "it's not to bad, so I can still go out and do stuff" mentality and that's just going to make it worse.
I was also glad to hear that you got Birdie off to school in Sweden successfully. I generally follow when the "move in days" for the universities here in Pittsburgh are, mostly to know when to avoid certain areas around the universities due to traffic and I have to say that it amazes me just how much stuff kids need these days when they go to school. It's been a long time, but i don't remember taking near as much stuff, but then, I went to university when we didn't carry computers around with us, mostly because you needed a big air conditioned building for them. It's a lot and I can't imagine that organizing the logistics of transporting that stuff to a continent halfway around the world makes it easier. Even if you buy stuff there, you could end up having to do a lot of assembly and that can be a lot of work. I just finished putting a metal storage cabinet for stuff in my garage together and I do have to say is what I did my best at this week was keeping my frustration in check. I hate that we no longer get instructions we can read, just pictures that kind of show us what we're going to do. This cabinet had a video you could watch, but the time I took to get it built seemed to be much longer than the 8 minutes the guy in the video took, even with editing. And his stuff went together well, I always seem to be fighting to get things in place and then to hold them there while I try and get the screws in place. But this morning, I got the shelves in and the doors on and we're off to the next phase of the bringing order to all my stuff phase. Caissie, I thought of your sons as I struggled with the assembly of this cabinet. They both look like they are patient and from what I remember they have a lot of tools and if they had been around, I would have just paid them a nice fee to do it for me.
Anyway, getting back to the amount of stuff kids need to go to school these days, one thing I would suggest is that parents check with the school to see if the school sponsors some kind of thrift store. I remember reading an article in one of our local newspapers within the last couple of years that while kids bring a lot of stuff to school with them, they often don't take a lot of it with them when they leave. And so to avoid just filling the local land fills with this stuff, the university started going through it and putting the gently used stuff out for sale at a thrift shop for low, low prices. I seem to remember they used the proceeds to fund a food bank or something.
Well, that's about it. As I struggled to assemble the cabinet this week, I thought a lot about the instructions we get in life. One of the most useful instruction, I've run across is the one that says "plate will be hot, leave in microwave for a minute before bringing it out". That is useful and as sensitive as my finger tips have become to heat, is one I wish I'd followed much, much sooner. An example of something that is not as useful is when I run across an item that has the words "easy open package" on it. I've found that is mostly a lie.
Take care everyone. Be kind to each other. Do your best when you can.
Thank you, thank you for sharing this with everyone. This one hit close to home and brought up a lot of feelings I’ve buried for a while. In an (eerily) similar situation I lost my friend at the very end of January...in 2020. The cumulative grief (which I think Busy mentioned? Instagram?) is so real and I’m realizing there is still so much I haven’t processed. Sobbing on my way to work while I listened yesterday hurt, sucked, and was stupid. And felt really good ❤️
I missed you guys so much! I mean, I loved the past month's episodes, but also just really enjoy the friendship, and topical things you discuss during your episodes. I wanted to say I am sorry Busy for the loss of your dear friend Kate. You are right that people who work in Hospice are literal angels. I volunteered for many years with Hospice and what a humbling experience that is. People always asked me why do you do this type of volunteer work? And I just said wouldn't you want someone who can hold the space for a loved one to be ok with the idea of death ? While this may seem so sad to many people there is beauty in death. My heart goes out to you during this time. I have this writing that was given to me by the hospice organization and I always send it to people because it so beautifully explains grief. The author seems to have been lost along the way but the sentiment is there. Thanks again for always bringing your most authentic and truest selves to the world. ~ Anne
Shipwrecks ( Author Unknown)
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
I want to take a minute and acknowledge the fact that Busy and Caissie give us this literal gift every week in the middle of the most intense grief. It just blows my mind. I can’t comprehend how they put together entertaining and enlightening hours of content... period. But then add in the huge life events these ladies have navigated (sometimes with us, sometimes not) ... wow. So I hope they both can see this accomplishment!! annnddd if there is ever a week that need to skip/ only make the ads...I will happily listening to only the ads.
Beautiful episode; every week it just feels like we are catching up with friends and I for one am feeling for the grief you have both encountered in the last year really, you both have been very brave sharing it so openly and honestly. Kate sounded like a beautiful soul.
I can’t wait to one day see the teen and seniors European vacation movie one day!
I'm only an hour in and I have cried multiple times. Busy, my heart aches for you. I love what Caissie said about grief though, it hurts, it sucks and it's stupid. I know you don't know me at all, but we all sure know you two. And when one of you guys is going through it, we all go through it with you. Love and hugs to you both!
One of the perks of working night shift, especially on a Tuesday night, is that I sometimes get to listen to the pod as soon as it drops.
I just want to say thank you for this week. Busy for sharing your very personal, very fresh journey with us. I know many can relate and appreciated it from that aspect, but also for all of us who have just been thinking of you and like the lady on the bike when you were two, and Casey during this time as she said: just wanting to make sure you are OK.
And Casey after the year you have had as well, I am so so so happy that you now have the amazing experience of a girls weekend. It had been over 10 years since I had experienced that, but for my 50th birthday in May, I gathered some of my favourite ladies and we went to the Okanagan in British Columbia for a few days. It was perfect and it looked like your trip was perfect as well. When women gather, some of the most potent antidepressant and anti anxiety effects are created by our energy and pheromones. It’s science 😉
What an amazing episode! Thank you both for sharing so much with us. I related so much to everything that was said about grief and the weird things we do. I started work on a production of All My Sons the week after my father died. I think I was probably in shock and I just didn’t know what else to do with myself. It’s been over 10 years now and I can look back and laugh at how crazy that was!
The authenticity and the vulnerability you both bring every episode, particularly this week, are touching and so meaningful. It’s an honor to witness it and I’m so glad to be here to listen. 💛
Hi--coming in late again, but in my defense, I've started this several times. Busy, I'm so sorry that your friend Kate passed away. I didn't know her, but from the love I hear in your voice and the pictures you've shared, she was a great friend. From my experience, Caissie, got this right. When someone important to you dies, it sucks. No two ways about it. And it's just tough. And you're going to grieve. And I'll tell you from my experience from when my mom died, 13 years ago, it still sucks. But you learn how to manage it. And your friends help you. So eventually, you celebrate your memories. Some days, you'll smile when a memory comes to the surface that reminds you of the good times. But sometimes, something will happen, something that may seem unrelated, but whatever it is, will cause a memory to flood up and you'll just need to stop and cry for a while. But bottom line, we're lucky to have people in our lives that are important, and when they pass on, all we can do is the best that we can and go on.
I was also distressed to see that the covid virus raised up and grabbed you. I know that you keep up with your inoculations (old people like me still use this word) and from the stories you share on Instagram, it looks like it's a mild case and you're recovering. But I am glad to see you did the right stuff. Too many people have fallen back into the "it's not to bad, so I can still go out and do stuff" mentality and that's just going to make it worse.
I was also glad to hear that you got Birdie off to school in Sweden successfully. I generally follow when the "move in days" for the universities here in Pittsburgh are, mostly to know when to avoid certain areas around the universities due to traffic and I have to say that it amazes me just how much stuff kids need these days when they go to school. It's been a long time, but i don't remember taking near as much stuff, but then, I went to university when we didn't carry computers around with us, mostly because you needed a big air conditioned building for them. It's a lot and I can't imagine that organizing the logistics of transporting that stuff to a continent halfway around the world makes it easier. Even if you buy stuff there, you could end up having to do a lot of assembly and that can be a lot of work. I just finished putting a metal storage cabinet for stuff in my garage together and I do have to say is what I did my best at this week was keeping my frustration in check. I hate that we no longer get instructions we can read, just pictures that kind of show us what we're going to do. This cabinet had a video you could watch, but the time I took to get it built seemed to be much longer than the 8 minutes the guy in the video took, even with editing. And his stuff went together well, I always seem to be fighting to get things in place and then to hold them there while I try and get the screws in place. But this morning, I got the shelves in and the doors on and we're off to the next phase of the bringing order to all my stuff phase. Caissie, I thought of your sons as I struggled with the assembly of this cabinet. They both look like they are patient and from what I remember they have a lot of tools and if they had been around, I would have just paid them a nice fee to do it for me.
Anyway, getting back to the amount of stuff kids need to go to school these days, one thing I would suggest is that parents check with the school to see if the school sponsors some kind of thrift store. I remember reading an article in one of our local newspapers within the last couple of years that while kids bring a lot of stuff to school with them, they often don't take a lot of it with them when they leave. And so to avoid just filling the local land fills with this stuff, the university started going through it and putting the gently used stuff out for sale at a thrift shop for low, low prices. I seem to remember they used the proceeds to fund a food bank or something.
Well, that's about it. As I struggled to assemble the cabinet this week, I thought a lot about the instructions we get in life. One of the most useful instruction, I've run across is the one that says "plate will be hot, leave in microwave for a minute before bringing it out". That is useful and as sensitive as my finger tips have become to heat, is one I wish I'd followed much, much sooner. An example of something that is not as useful is when I run across an item that has the words "easy open package" on it. I've found that is mostly a lie.
Take care everyone. Be kind to each other. Do your best when you can.
Great episode and I was lucky enough to see Bonnie in KIMBERLY AKIMBO in July. Love y’all! 💜
Well, WE love YOU!
Thank you, thank you for sharing this with everyone. This one hit close to home and brought up a lot of feelings I’ve buried for a while. In an (eerily) similar situation I lost my friend at the very end of January...in 2020. The cumulative grief (which I think Busy mentioned? Instagram?) is so real and I’m realizing there is still so much I haven’t processed. Sobbing on my way to work while I listened yesterday hurt, sucked, and was stupid. And felt really good ❤️
I missed you guys so much! I mean, I loved the past month's episodes, but also just really enjoy the friendship, and topical things you discuss during your episodes. I wanted to say I am sorry Busy for the loss of your dear friend Kate. You are right that people who work in Hospice are literal angels. I volunteered for many years with Hospice and what a humbling experience that is. People always asked me why do you do this type of volunteer work? And I just said wouldn't you want someone who can hold the space for a loved one to be ok with the idea of death ? While this may seem so sad to many people there is beauty in death. My heart goes out to you during this time. I have this writing that was given to me by the hospice organization and I always send it to people because it so beautifully explains grief. The author seems to have been lost along the way but the sentiment is there. Thanks again for always bringing your most authentic and truest selves to the world. ~ Anne
Shipwrecks ( Author Unknown)
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
I want to take a minute and acknowledge the fact that Busy and Caissie give us this literal gift every week in the middle of the most intense grief. It just blows my mind. I can’t comprehend how they put together entertaining and enlightening hours of content... period. But then add in the huge life events these ladies have navigated (sometimes with us, sometimes not) ... wow. So I hope they both can see this accomplishment!! annnddd if there is ever a week that need to skip/ only make the ads...I will happily listening to only the ads.
Beautiful episode; every week it just feels like we are catching up with friends and I for one am feeling for the grief you have both encountered in the last year really, you both have been very brave sharing it so openly and honestly. Kate sounded like a beautiful soul.
I can’t wait to one day see the teen and seniors European vacation movie one day!
I'm only an hour in and I have cried multiple times. Busy, my heart aches for you. I love what Caissie said about grief though, it hurts, it sucks and it's stupid. I know you don't know me at all, but we all sure know you two. And when one of you guys is going through it, we all go through it with you. Love and hugs to you both!
One of the perks of working night shift, especially on a Tuesday night, is that I sometimes get to listen to the pod as soon as it drops.
I just want to say thank you for this week. Busy for sharing your very personal, very fresh journey with us. I know many can relate and appreciated it from that aspect, but also for all of us who have just been thinking of you and like the lady on the bike when you were two, and Casey during this time as she said: just wanting to make sure you are OK.
And Casey after the year you have had as well, I am so so so happy that you now have the amazing experience of a girls weekend. It had been over 10 years since I had experienced that, but for my 50th birthday in May, I gathered some of my favourite ladies and we went to the Okanagan in British Columbia for a few days. It was perfect and it looked like your trip was perfect as well. When women gather, some of the most potent antidepressant and anti anxiety effects are created by our energy and pheromones. It’s science 😉
And what a perfect guest this week!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Bless
What an amazing episode! Thank you both for sharing so much with us. I related so much to everything that was said about grief and the weird things we do. I started work on a production of All My Sons the week after my father died. I think I was probably in shock and I just didn’t know what else to do with myself. It’s been over 10 years now and I can look back and laugh at how crazy that was!
Love you both! 💜
The authenticity and the vulnerability you both bring every episode, particularly this week, are touching and so meaningful. It’s an honor to witness it and I’m so glad to be here to listen. 💛
Nicole, thank you so much for being there with us. It means the world!