This week, Busy is going through it as she and Marc work together to try to purchase Taylor Swift tickets for their kid. Did they succeed? You’ll find out! Plus, Busy helps solve a neighborhood crime and Caissie gets very honest about a rough time in her marriage and why she doesn’t believe in mixing holiday decor. Then, comedian Natasha Leggero drops in to talk about her new book, “The World Deserves My Children” and her podcast “Endless Honeymoon” which she co-hosts with her husband, comedian Moshe Kasher.
If you’ve already listened, please consider this your official comment thread. We really love hearing what you think! We really love you.
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Years ago I was having lunch with one of my friends - her eldest was 7 at the time. We sat down at the table and the first thing she said was “X is being such a little shit at the moment”
Made me giggle as was such a funny insight into the realities of parenting.
Said child is now 14 and genuinely quite bearable for a teenage boy 😂
My kid is 13 and has recently started calling his dad on the gaslighting he does and backing me up with what he sees going on. It’s fucked that I need that backup from anyone, heartbreaking that it is my kid and hopeful that it shows my kid that he wants to grow into a different kind of man.
Caissie, I so appreciate you sharing. It’s especially important to hear how good, woke men can participate in those misogynistic behaviors, but also that real change is always possible if you’ll willing to put in the work.
In 1990, my friends and I waited in line at Ticketmaster overnight for tickets to Madonna’s Blond Ambition tour. Substances may have been a part of that night. The 90’s were some good times. We did get tickets, but somehow I never made it to the show. I also had a ticket to the Who’s That Girl tour that I didn’t get to use. I still have the ticket. I’m clearly not meant to share the same space as Madonna.
It’s my favorite to leave a conversation and want to go run and talk about it more with my best friends (because let’s be real you both have the ability to make us all feel seen and inspired and like we’re chatting in the same room while you talk).
I was chatting with a good friend who quit her job to raise her son to rail against the patriarchal-machine when he grows up, while her husband is the one with a paying job, and we landed on “not salaried” as a term for what she does because saying “she doesn’t work” is wildly wrong in a million ways. Thanks for always thinking critically about this world--it sure as hell spreads!
So much realness this week, I think a lot of women felt seen and guided.💜 Love Natasha and I really liked her vibe with y’all and how much she made y’all laugh, she would be a cool return guest. There were good vibes all around!
Ticketmaster needs to make sure tickets can't be resold for profit. Reselling tickets should only be able to go for as much as original value with fees. It's the only way to stop the massive scalping and grabbing up of tickets, etc. If people can't make money off of it, they won't abuse the system as much allowing real fans to actually be able to purchase tickets, or afford tickets even after they get taken.
As said in an earlier podcast: men need to be trained. Even the really good ones.
Ticketmaster is the absolute worst and has been forever, except it’s tentacles reach farther and have even more power. And hell yeah I remember going to Carson’s department store in Chicago and record stores to get tickets. Eventually I started going to clubs and not seeing as many arena bands, although in the 90’s a lot of Indie artists got huge. I didn’t have the money to spend those high prices at the time. I’m not a fan of Taylor’s music myself and don’t know much about her, but she seems like a person who would fight the good fight. Waiting to see her reaction.
Loved listened to the “seasoned” parents talking to the parent of a toddler. The “oh just wait” had me 😂. I’ve made so many mistakes and had some triumphs with my now teenager and all I can say is, she’s turning out to be a stellar human who knows we are all trying our best 😌
It isn’t about weakness, it’s just helping them dismantle the toxic traits ingrained in them by society. Women are doing the same thing, just from a different vantage point. It does not mean your partner isn’t also making you a better person, as Caissie said in the podcast. Many men I have encountered have expectations of women that they’ve never questioned, because they are affirmed by our culture. Being challenged is a way to be able to reframe that. “Trained” is a tongue in cheek way to describe challenging some of the things the patriarchy has taught in our men and boys.
My husband and I have been together 23 years. I can count the number of actual fights we’ve had (not just petty bickering) on one hand. And they all stem from him being raised in a household where he was taught traditional values - the man goes to work, earns the money and mows the lawn. The woman (also) goes to work, raises the kids, does all the household chores and the gardening. I’ve never seen his dad cook a meal or make himself a cup of coffee. His brother never changed a single nappy for his 3 kids (I did 100’s for my nieces and nephew)
Hubby works so hard to fight the ingrained misogyny and I try to support him with his growth but it still sucks to have to bear the brunt and be the teacher. I’m about to return to work after a year of voluntary unemployment (hello burnout) so I’m concerned about finding the balance again as most of the day-to-day stuff has fallen on my shoulders. Hoping I don’t have to start using that second hand to count fights 🤞
Caissie is my hero this week for two big reasons: 1. I think you absolutely should have felt triumphant when your son reminded everyone about grandma's (aunt's?) birthday. All of this bullshit starts with how men are raised. I'm so thankful to you for raising your sons in a way that led to that. I'm married to an extremely feminist man, and I work with several extremely feminist white, straight, cis men. They are all great, but even when they don't mean to they model the male/female dynamic they were brought up with at home between mom and dad. That brings me to item 2. I really fucking needed to hear what you said about a man directing all of his ire at the world into his spouse, then denying it. It's happening to me. It's been happening, and I didn't realize how helpful it would be to hear someone else say the same. I don't have a teenager (or any kid that will grow into a teenager one day) to bear witness so will have to figure something else out... But the conversation gave me renewed confidence in my own experience. Thank you so much, Caissie!
It’s not a competition, however I wasted almost 6 hours on ticketbastard trying to get TS tickets too. One of the most stressful days of my life. (First world problems)
Four friends in a chat group applied for the code. One person got the code but she had to work at the time that the tickets would open up. So I volunteered to be the point person, on the east coast, trying to get Las Vegas tix. They were all counting on me to come through for Surprise Christmas tickets for them and their kids. I was locked out of Ticketmaster and kept checking and eating Tums and then TM rescheduled the time for five hours later. I set my phone alarm, logged back in and found out ten minutes beforehand that the person who originally got the code is the one who HAD to do it. Luckily by then she was done with work and could do it. We were all frantically group texting all day.
Lo and behold she was able to get in and buy six tickets. They’re almost as far away from the stage as you can get but at least they are in the building!
As a gay dad, I always resent the pervasive “all dads are idiots who don’t care” discussion and I feel it does the work of the patriarchy by exempting men from competence. (As Natasha put it: “There’s no dad group text anywhere in the world—they don’t give a shit.”) I am glad Busy and Caissie pointed out that straight men are conditioned to see parental work as not “their” work and that CAN change. It has to! For what it’s worth, gay couples go through this too, where one gets saddled with the tasks society sees as invisible. I resist pointing this out because it’s like wearing an insipid “not all men” tee and saying “actually” but I think there is stuff to be learned in how LGBT parents in same-sex relationships negotiate these issues. The solution is more complex also than “whoever makes more does less parenting.” Given the fact that women are paid less to do the same job as men, we’re setting ourselves up for more patriarchal bullshit by dividing it simply along salary. Anyway, that was a long way of saying we have to work together to liberate each other. ❤️
Listening now to the part about men who can’t handle when their wife/partner makes more money. I agree with every word Busy says and have lived it. The twisting yourself into a pretzel to make them happy when they were lying about what they were really upset about in the first place is literally a phrase I used in therapy.
Okay first of all... I totally did the thing Busy did when you take your tickets to the box office and exchange them for better seats. Around the same time as Ray of Light, but it was for the first time I ever saw Prince at the Verizon Center. We ended up with seats right in front of the soundboard. This was the show that had the round stage in the middle and we were maybe six or seventh row back? I don't remember and anyway, that's not the most important part. The most important part is that Prince entered and exited the stage in an anvil case that went right past our row. My friend recognized his at-the-time wife at the soundboard. We knew the show was almost over when she walked up under the stage with the giant anvil case. And also, since you were wondering, when the anvil case made it's way back out from under the stage to the dressing room, she was not there and we figured she was in the anvil case with Prince.
Also my husband and I were also both at a show like a decade and a half before we met. Velocity Girl at AU in 1993.
I just listened to the story about how Mark’s eyes were opened to how much Busy was doing for their kids. It reminded me of my wedding day.
On the day, I and my mom took my 1 yr old baby girl. I had stuff for her. It seemed so light BECAUSE my soon-to-be husband had our 2 and 5 yr old sons. His only objective he was solely responsible was for getting the 3 of them dressed and to the alter. They arrived sooo late. But truth be told I wasn’t even in my dress yet. Anywho that night he confessed “All I had to do was get the boys dressed and that was really hard.” My response: “Yes. I do it every day plus the baby.” 🤔
Omg listening to the pod thinking Music. I remember because I got the Cd for Christmas lol that year lol.
I tried desperately to get the Taylor Hawkins Tribute concert in LA. I got out of the q and then every tickets I clicked on said that it was already taken.
Ticketmaster has gotten so bad with with the fees too. In January I went to part time work so I don't have as much expendable income. I have started going to the music venues and buying tickets from the box office or wait until last minute and buy cheap tickets on stub hub. I fucking hate them so much. They are making it so hard for people who love music to have access to it
I really appreciated Caissie’s openness about certain marriage dynamics. I’ve recently had a similar experience, in that it took my partner’s daughter speaking up about the same dynamics I’d been pointing out for years for him to really see things in a new light. Women certainly do bear the burden of “proof.” Which is ridiculous.
Also. I’ve really noticed neighborhood holiday decor going up early this year! I used to be a firm “day after Thanksgiving” girl. But this year I am FEELING IT!
My husband of 32 years was also raised by a feminist mother, and he’s also amazing. And yet, I soooooo related to Caissie’s discussion about the problems that still came up early in our marriage. It also took many years and another observer (our son when he was older) to make him see the light. And when he changed his behavior I was thrilled. Women, indeed, have been shouldering a big boulder. Put that on some merch!
Caissie, I truly appreciated your openness about relationship issues this episode. I’ve been married for 25 years and it’s tough to find realistic and positive conversation about long marriages. I’ve been in the same situation with my husband (many times) where it took someone else to point out that his behavior was indeed wrong. I can’t help but feel like it’s a much larger cultural problem. They don’t believe us. Why don’t they just believe us?
And I also consider myself to be married to a “good guy”.
I’m desperately attempting to raise two men that turn out much better, and one woman that doesn’t settle for less.
I feel very ready to be festive and feel a lightness heading into the season that I haven't felt the last two Christmases. I'm excited because there won't be any provincial restrictions on gatherings and that alone has relieved so much stress. We now all need to stay healthy so that we're well enough to celebrate a mostly normal Christmas!
Fellow Taylor tickets code reciever but also did not get tickets. 😑 Also I also feel a deep need for Christmas festiveness this year! I have no idea why. I've been like aching for it.
Years ago I was having lunch with one of my friends - her eldest was 7 at the time. We sat down at the table and the first thing she said was “X is being such a little shit at the moment”
Made me giggle as was such a funny insight into the realities of parenting.
Said child is now 14 and genuinely quite bearable for a teenage boy 😂
My kid is 13 and has recently started calling his dad on the gaslighting he does and backing me up with what he sees going on. It’s fucked that I need that backup from anyone, heartbreaking that it is my kid and hopeful that it shows my kid that he wants to grow into a different kind of man.
Caissie, I so appreciate you sharing. It’s especially important to hear how good, woke men can participate in those misogynistic behaviors, but also that real change is always possible if you’ll willing to put in the work.
In 1990, my friends and I waited in line at Ticketmaster overnight for tickets to Madonna’s Blond Ambition tour. Substances may have been a part of that night. The 90’s were some good times. We did get tickets, but somehow I never made it to the show. I also had a ticket to the Who’s That Girl tour that I didn’t get to use. I still have the ticket. I’m clearly not meant to share the same space as Madonna.
Whew that bit about emotional labor!!!
It’s my favorite to leave a conversation and want to go run and talk about it more with my best friends (because let’s be real you both have the ability to make us all feel seen and inspired and like we’re chatting in the same room while you talk).
I was chatting with a good friend who quit her job to raise her son to rail against the patriarchal-machine when he grows up, while her husband is the one with a paying job, and we landed on “not salaried” as a term for what she does because saying “she doesn’t work” is wildly wrong in a million ways. Thanks for always thinking critically about this world--it sure as hell spreads!
So much realness this week, I think a lot of women felt seen and guided.💜 Love Natasha and I really liked her vibe with y’all and how much she made y’all laugh, she would be a cool return guest. There were good vibes all around!
Really don’t love the phrase “grinch skin” from this weeks ep 😂
Ticketmaster needs to make sure tickets can't be resold for profit. Reselling tickets should only be able to go for as much as original value with fees. It's the only way to stop the massive scalping and grabbing up of tickets, etc. If people can't make money off of it, they won't abuse the system as much allowing real fans to actually be able to purchase tickets, or afford tickets even after they get taken.
As said in an earlier podcast: men need to be trained. Even the really good ones.
Ticketmaster is the absolute worst and has been forever, except it’s tentacles reach farther and have even more power. And hell yeah I remember going to Carson’s department store in Chicago and record stores to get tickets. Eventually I started going to clubs and not seeing as many arena bands, although in the 90’s a lot of Indie artists got huge. I didn’t have the money to spend those high prices at the time. I’m not a fan of Taylor’s music myself and don’t know much about her, but she seems like a person who would fight the good fight. Waiting to see her reaction.
Loved listened to the “seasoned” parents talking to the parent of a toddler. The “oh just wait” had me 😂. I’ve made so many mistakes and had some triumphs with my now teenager and all I can say is, she’s turning out to be a stellar human who knows we are all trying our best 😌
Love you guys, thank you! 💖
It isn’t about weakness, it’s just helping them dismantle the toxic traits ingrained in them by society. Women are doing the same thing, just from a different vantage point. It does not mean your partner isn’t also making you a better person, as Caissie said in the podcast. Many men I have encountered have expectations of women that they’ve never questioned, because they are affirmed by our culture. Being challenged is a way to be able to reframe that. “Trained” is a tongue in cheek way to describe challenging some of the things the patriarchy has taught in our men and boys.
My husband and I have been together 23 years. I can count the number of actual fights we’ve had (not just petty bickering) on one hand. And they all stem from him being raised in a household where he was taught traditional values - the man goes to work, earns the money and mows the lawn. The woman (also) goes to work, raises the kids, does all the household chores and the gardening. I’ve never seen his dad cook a meal or make himself a cup of coffee. His brother never changed a single nappy for his 3 kids (I did 100’s for my nieces and nephew)
Hubby works so hard to fight the ingrained misogyny and I try to support him with his growth but it still sucks to have to bear the brunt and be the teacher. I’m about to return to work after a year of voluntary unemployment (hello burnout) so I’m concerned about finding the balance again as most of the day-to-day stuff has fallen on my shoulders. Hoping I don’t have to start using that second hand to count fights 🤞
I feel you. It’s exhausting to be the teacher. 💙
Caissie is my hero this week for two big reasons: 1. I think you absolutely should have felt triumphant when your son reminded everyone about grandma's (aunt's?) birthday. All of this bullshit starts with how men are raised. I'm so thankful to you for raising your sons in a way that led to that. I'm married to an extremely feminist man, and I work with several extremely feminist white, straight, cis men. They are all great, but even when they don't mean to they model the male/female dynamic they were brought up with at home between mom and dad. That brings me to item 2. I really fucking needed to hear what you said about a man directing all of his ire at the world into his spouse, then denying it. It's happening to me. It's been happening, and I didn't realize how helpful it would be to hear someone else say the same. I don't have a teenager (or any kid that will grow into a teenager one day) to bear witness so will have to figure something else out... But the conversation gave me renewed confidence in my own experience. Thank you so much, Caissie!
I see you, Amy. Big hug.
Breaking news: TM has cancelled general public ticket sale of TS tour tix. WHAT is happening?
Worst. News. Ever. I can't wait to see what Taylor does about this...if anyone can bring TM to their knees, it would surely be her!!
Favorite line: I do like them up for a good fucking long time 🤣
It’s not a competition, however I wasted almost 6 hours on ticketbastard trying to get TS tickets too. One of the most stressful days of my life. (First world problems)
Four friends in a chat group applied for the code. One person got the code but she had to work at the time that the tickets would open up. So I volunteered to be the point person, on the east coast, trying to get Las Vegas tix. They were all counting on me to come through for Surprise Christmas tickets for them and their kids. I was locked out of Ticketmaster and kept checking and eating Tums and then TM rescheduled the time for five hours later. I set my phone alarm, logged back in and found out ten minutes beforehand that the person who originally got the code is the one who HAD to do it. Luckily by then she was done with work and could do it. We were all frantically group texting all day.
Lo and behold she was able to get in and buy six tickets. They’re almost as far away from the stage as you can get but at least they are in the building!
What a nightmare! Something must be done!
As a gay dad, I always resent the pervasive “all dads are idiots who don’t care” discussion and I feel it does the work of the patriarchy by exempting men from competence. (As Natasha put it: “There’s no dad group text anywhere in the world—they don’t give a shit.”) I am glad Busy and Caissie pointed out that straight men are conditioned to see parental work as not “their” work and that CAN change. It has to! For what it’s worth, gay couples go through this too, where one gets saddled with the tasks society sees as invisible. I resist pointing this out because it’s like wearing an insipid “not all men” tee and saying “actually” but I think there is stuff to be learned in how LGBT parents in same-sex relationships negotiate these issues. The solution is more complex also than “whoever makes more does less parenting.” Given the fact that women are paid less to do the same job as men, we’re setting ourselves up for more patriarchal bullshit by dividing it simply along salary. Anyway, that was a long way of saying we have to work together to liberate each other. ❤️
Listening now to the part about men who can’t handle when their wife/partner makes more money. I agree with every word Busy says and have lived it. The twisting yourself into a pretzel to make them happy when they were lying about what they were really upset about in the first place is literally a phrase I used in therapy.
Okay first of all... I totally did the thing Busy did when you take your tickets to the box office and exchange them for better seats. Around the same time as Ray of Light, but it was for the first time I ever saw Prince at the Verizon Center. We ended up with seats right in front of the soundboard. This was the show that had the round stage in the middle and we were maybe six or seventh row back? I don't remember and anyway, that's not the most important part. The most important part is that Prince entered and exited the stage in an anvil case that went right past our row. My friend recognized his at-the-time wife at the soundboard. We knew the show was almost over when she walked up under the stage with the giant anvil case. And also, since you were wondering, when the anvil case made it's way back out from under the stage to the dressing room, she was not there and we figured she was in the anvil case with Prince.
Also my husband and I were also both at a show like a decade and a half before we met. Velocity Girl at AU in 1993.
I just listened to the story about how Mark’s eyes were opened to how much Busy was doing for their kids. It reminded me of my wedding day.
On the day, I and my mom took my 1 yr old baby girl. I had stuff for her. It seemed so light BECAUSE my soon-to-be husband had our 2 and 5 yr old sons. His only objective he was solely responsible was for getting the 3 of them dressed and to the alter. They arrived sooo late. But truth be told I wasn’t even in my dress yet. Anywho that night he confessed “All I had to do was get the boys dressed and that was really hard.” My response: “Yes. I do it every day plus the baby.” 🤔
Omg listening to the pod thinking Music. I remember because I got the Cd for Christmas lol that year lol.
I tried desperately to get the Taylor Hawkins Tribute concert in LA. I got out of the q and then every tickets I clicked on said that it was already taken.
Ticketmaster has gotten so bad with with the fees too. In January I went to part time work so I don't have as much expendable income. I have started going to the music venues and buying tickets from the box office or wait until last minute and buy cheap tickets on stub hub. I fucking hate them so much. They are making it so hard for people who love music to have access to it
I really appreciated Caissie’s openness about certain marriage dynamics. I’ve recently had a similar experience, in that it took my partner’s daughter speaking up about the same dynamics I’d been pointing out for years for him to really see things in a new light. Women certainly do bear the burden of “proof.” Which is ridiculous.
Also. I’ve really noticed neighborhood holiday decor going up early this year! I used to be a firm “day after Thanksgiving” girl. But this year I am FEELING IT!
My husband of 32 years was also raised by a feminist mother, and he’s also amazing. And yet, I soooooo related to Caissie’s discussion about the problems that still came up early in our marriage. It also took many years and another observer (our son when he was older) to make him see the light. And when he changed his behavior I was thrilled. Women, indeed, have been shouldering a big boulder. Put that on some merch!
Caissie, I truly appreciated your openness about relationship issues this episode. I’ve been married for 25 years and it’s tough to find realistic and positive conversation about long marriages. I’ve been in the same situation with my husband (many times) where it took someone else to point out that his behavior was indeed wrong. I can’t help but feel like it’s a much larger cultural problem. They don’t believe us. Why don’t they just believe us?
And I also consider myself to be married to a “good guy”.
I’m desperately attempting to raise two men that turn out much better, and one woman that doesn’t settle for less.
Please keep these convos coming!
I feel very ready to be festive and feel a lightness heading into the season that I haven't felt the last two Christmases. I'm excited because there won't be any provincial restrictions on gatherings and that alone has relieved so much stress. We now all need to stay healthy so that we're well enough to celebrate a mostly normal Christmas!
I had not heard of bottle brush decorations until today and then googled it, how cute! Where have I been?
I immediately ordered all the pink and turquoise bottle brush trees from target 🤣
There are already articles quoting Busy from this podcast about the ticket debacle.
Break up the monopoly!!! Stop scalper! Give ppl a fair chance and correct codes!
Fellow Taylor tickets code reciever but also did not get tickets. 😑 Also I also feel a deep need for Christmas festiveness this year! I have no idea why. I've been like aching for it.