If you listened to this week’s podcast, you’ll remember Busy talking about when you’re having an intense discussion or making a statement & a line “comes to you just like lightning.” She recalled asking an ex-boyfriend how much he’d been paid for a script that was her idea, then saying, “Well, I guess it’s good to know how much someone is worth.” Now we want to hear from you! What’s the greatest/most devastating/poignant thing that’s ever come out of your mouth in a moment you, and probably the person you were saying it to, will never forget?
I am a legal aid lawyer for domestic violence survivors. The specific community I work in is predominately Catholic, so I hear time and time again from my clients how they don't believe in divorce and they just need to pray, etc. I myself am a recovering Catholic, so I empathize with their struggle and have always done my best to tell them no God I would ever want to believe in would be angry with them for taking care of themselves and their children but that never seemed to work. Finally, one day, one client said: "our priest says I have to be patient and let God do his work, but this voice keeps telling me that I deserve better." Suddenly I found myself speaking without really mentally registering what was about to come out of my mouth: "In Catholic teachings, God does not reach down from the sky and hit people upside the head with his mighty hand, right? We are taught that God acts through humans via the Holy Spirit. Has it ever occurred to you that that voice in your head saying you deserve to be safe and have peace...is the voice OF GOD? That voice may very well be the Holy Spirit moving through you." She broke down sobbing and so did I. Maybe it was just my ADHD making words come out of my mouth faster than I can think them, or maybe that line was god or the universe or something acting through me...but I'll never say anything more perfect.
When I was (very) pregnant, I walked into a Starbucks to pick up my mobile order (I can’t remember what exactly I ordered - a tea latte something). It wasn’t out yet so I was waiting around, and this white-haired lady came up and was standing next to me. The barista called my name and put my cup down. As I picked it up and turned around, this old lady STOOD IN FRONT OF ME and said “You know, if you’re going to be a mother, you should know better than to be drinking caffeine. You’re going to cause damage to your baby.”
I had a high risk pregnancy and had also been in a car accident that totaled my car when I was 13 weeks pregnant, so I was already pretty freaked out about keeping my baby safe/healthy. And I was also super tired of hearing about everything moms “should do” during pregnancy. So I looked this lady dead in the eye and asked, “wow, what medical school did you go to?” Confused, she said, “I didn’t go to medical school.” So I responded (and this is my best line): “then shut the f*** up telling me what I should and should not be doing.” She was open-mouthed stunned, and a lady standing by the door high fived me as I left.
It’s literally the only time in my life I have said exactly the right thing at the right time.
My friends E, M and I were out on a Saturday night our freshman year, and ended up at a dance party at the student center. M was sort of seeing this senior guy, let's call him Jeff Smith. He was doing the hot/cold thing with her, but late night on a Saturday after a few drinks, he was definitely happy to run into her at the dance party. After we all said hello he took a long look at my friend E and said , as though disgusted, "Why is your dress so short?" Her response: "I don't know, Jeff Smith. Why is your dick so small?"
Aug 6, 2022·edited Aug 6, 2022Liked by Caissie St.Onge
I have a ex boyfriend that one night we were talking about something, I can't remember what it was but it prompted me to say 'you realize that there are other people in the world, it doesn't revolve around you'. I said it in a joking way fully expecting him to laugh. He paused, and sat there and was like holy shit, I just realized it doesn't. He legitimately had a epiphany moment realizing at age 47 that the world didn't actually revolve around him. Should have kicked him out that night. 😜😊
Not sure if this fits the question, but it’s something I’ve never forgotten and my family still laughs about. My dad passed when I was eight years old and one night at dinner my mom was telling a story about him and his love for the Grateful Dead. She told us that their fans are called “Dead Heads” and I responded, “Well, he’s a real Dead Head now.” There was a pause and then lots of laughter. 😬😂
Many years ago I had a huge blow out family fight. I was sobbing into my now husband’s shoulder. After a long talk he tried to crack some jokes to make me feel better and ended with “awe, come on, I’m giving you my A material here”. Me after a beat... “I know, that’s why I’m crying”. Took him a second and then burst out laughing, I finally laughed and he still thinks it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever said.
I have kind of a chip on my shoulder over a group of cousins in my family. There are four of them from the same parents and their ages are similar to me and my siblings. Growing up my mom always made us go to every birthday party, communion, confirmation, graduation, etc, but they only reciprocated if they had nothing better to do. Since I’ve been an adult, I’ve maintained the same family first attitude and gone to approximately 117 of their showers, weddings, kids birthdays, baptisms, etc and spent thousands on gifts and hotels, etc. For my own wedding 3 years ago, 1 out of 4 of them showed, and none of them sent a gift. The last one got married this summer in Dublin. Enter my aunt “You’re coming to the wedding, right?” “No, we have a conflict.” “Oh...well...that’s shocking.” “Really? You know it’s in Ireland, right? They wouldn’t cross a state line for mine but I’m supposed to cross the Atlantic?” Mic drop.
I used to work as a Registered Nurse in a Urology clinic (briefly, because gross). Part of the job was doing sterile procedures like cystoscopies. One day someone came running for me because an old white dude patient was standing in the hallway wearing nothing but a towel screaming at my assistant. He tried to scream at me, too, because he was tired of waiting. I took him back inside the room, sat him down, explained calmly that the people trying to take care of him were always overbooked, overworked, understaffed, fitting people in for urgent appointments wherever we could, and that sometimes that meant waiting (also, that health care is fucked).
Then I looked him dead in the eye, pointed to the tray of instruments, and said "Now, sir. I am about to put something *inside* of your penis. So I'm going you give you a minute to decide if you want to change your tone or keep talking to me and the rest of the staff the way you have been." He was a doll after that.
I was in the ER once and overheard a patient freaking out. The nurse loudly said, “I get to choose the size of your catheter. Are you sure you want to talk to me like that?” I started cracking up and heard a few chuckles from other curtains too.
I used to live in Indiana and I worked in the public arts and we had to meet Mike pence when he was governor for some kind of grant photo op ( he didn’t give a fuck about the arts) but he went down the line shaking our hands and I was the director of the program so I was the final handshake and after he shook my hand I loudly blurted out “ EWWW GROSS!” Bc his hand felt like a clammy room temperature fish and it just caught me off guard and i have ADHD and it just happened. Mike definitely noticed but also didn’t care bc he’s legit a robot? Everyone around me chuckled tho so I felt great.
So afterwards, his press handler got very upset with me and told me I was very unprofessional and I just stood there and said “K.”
She didn’t know what to do so she just walked off in a huff saying something about getting me fired ( they couldn’t fire me from my own program, lol.) but it felt good to just give her nothing, esp after letting everyone around me know how gross pence’s hand was.
Anyways, Girlboss, Gaslight, Gatekeep all slimy religious fanatics yall!
For the unpaid labor over the 6 years that me and “Miss Hospital Corners/ Play Rebel Yell” lifted weights together basically twice a week (save for her several years at Columbia getting double masters’ degrees in architecture and Russia)...
-Whose estranged Mom loooooved me and not her (long story,nose ring tattoos and DUI’s)
and their only conversations involved whatever I was personally up to, and what I’m doing ....just
so they didn’t have to talk about their nonexistent relationship.....
Hey!
So now that you ghosted me, Quick Question: I
We met by 5:30 am at the gym Tuesdays and Thursdays From 2014 to 2021.....’cuz why? !!
So that you could mooch off my expert personal training skills and experience?
Were you really “Showing Up”
Or just Showing Off. ????
You took advantage of me. You dispatched me to provide PT to your fancy friend’s shoulder injury?
And teach yoga to your friends?
...And mom in law and mom virtually during Covid.
And at your work to support charity?
And at your wedding?!!?!
You knew I thought of you as my bff.
But to you I was a needy, vain friendless personal trainer who got your ass out of bed to work out. For years.
(And then I lost 60 pounds you stopped talking to me accusing me of Diet Culture?!!!)
All those years.........wasted...
....During which you never In our intimate conversations never told me about your rape......
So in 2021 when I recommended the movie “Promising Young Woman” you came at me like I purposely left out trigger warnings in order to harm you, a Closet Rape Survivor.
We talked for hours while we lifted weights.
You only ever talked about OTHER PEOPLES ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!
You stole from me.
Unpaid Labor!!!!
Have a great life with your prenuptial agreement given that your beautiful husband’s mom and nieces are fully vested stakeholders and you’re an “OK Cupid” Ad that panned out
I was on an airplane (when masks were still mandatory) in the first row and was able to watch everyone as they boarded. Mr. Entitled White Guy walks on and is on his phone, too busy for everyone, of course with no mask. The flight attendant stopped him and told him to put one on and Entitled White Guy huffed and acted supremely annoyed and put out and made a huge show of finding his mask and bitched at the flight attendant the whole time. He looked at me, apparently expecting solidarity, and was like, can you believe this?? I looked at him and said with faux concern: “First time on an airplane?” I thought his head was going to explode.
Not necessarily a response, more of a salutation. A close friend of mine has often ended conversations with folks she doesn't want to a continued relationship with a "won't see you later". It seems to hit people's ear in a way that they hear the more common "see you later". The confused look when they hear the "won't" part is priceless.
I read this in a magazine once (❤) The line was regarding "Repeating outfits" and what to do if someone were to call you out on it. (Rude!) The instructions from the magazine are as follows:
Take the person gently by the hand and look them directly in the eye and say, "I'm so flattered that you noticed. " Then walk away as they collect themselves!
I have yet to use this IRL but boy will I be ready if the moment comes.😄
When being mansplained to I commonly say “it’s not a difficult concept, you can move on.” I also find myself saying “it’s a yes or no question” a lot. As I get older, my patience runs thin y’all.
When I was 15 I still had not had my first kiss and I was desperately wanting to have it. Cut to New Years Eve in my friend's basement and a very cute guy and I happen to be on the couch together. Everyone not so subtly clears out and it finally happens. I've been kissed! I say to him "wow I've never done this before" and he responds "well, it's not rocket science". Years later and we are on competing improv teams. As we're all waiting in the wings to go out we're all chatting, full of nervous energy. He turns to me and goes "I'm just so nervous!". I respond "Well, it's not rocket science".
I was attending a wedding with a friend of mine and the best man really caught my eye. During the reception they started the dollar dance and the DJ announced that the best man and maid of honor would be collecting the dollars. He looked at the best man and, as a joke, said “give him a dollar, get a dance. Give him two and get his phone number.”
So I promptly walked up, handed the best man two dollars and said “so, this means I get your number, right?” We ended up together for over 2 years!
Note to self: Always remember there’s a BIG difference between REPOSITORY and SUPPOSITORY. 💩
Ok, back story. I gave a presentation about organizing media within content management system. During the presentation I spoke VERY CONFIDENTLY about how powerful the new SUPPOSITORY was! The functionality, the ease of use, and on and on...... Well, one of my colleagues was laughing so hard I had to stop and check my phone. He said “REPOSITORY”!!!! Not SUPPOSITORY! 💩
I was on stage, turning every shade of reddish pink. I took a deep breath and said “SHIT HAPPENS” - a statement I think is appropriate in just about any situation! Everyone laughed and I quickly removed myself from the stage and went straight to the exit. I felt like Andy Dufrane escaping Shawshank! My relief was short lived, my colleagues now give me actual suppositories as gifts, they draw/paint pictures, and even made a suppository award. If you’ve seen the movie “Everything Everywhere all at Once”....similar to the award that sits on Jamie Curtis’ desk. 😉
So, SHIT HAPPENS all the time....we just gotta roll with it. This keeps me humble and laughing for sure.
Mine is, I was once talking to a really talented man whose career wasn’t where he wanted it to be, but like, join the club dude! Anyway, it wasn’t very nice but I started to chafe at the idea that I needed to keep cheerleading as he continued to ask where he went wrong & I was like, “Well, you really squandered being a white guy in the 90s!”
I use idioms a lot. That doesn’t really count for an original, spontaneous response but many of mine are farm related because even though my upbringing was urban I spent a lot of time with my grandma who grew up on a farm. The two I use the most have to do with eggs, haha. “Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket” or “six of one, half a dozen on the other”. Both come up all the time.
I do have one thing I say to my daughter that cracks her up: “I like a good nose”. She’ll show me an Instagram pic of a woman who has contoured her nose down to where you can barely see it and that is what I say. We have noses with some “substance” so it’s also my way of saying to her- don’t do that if you get more into make up, you’ve got a great nose.
Recently to health insurance provider who has denied paying for us to see a specific psychologist who has seen my child before and is able to get him in quickly due to crisis when all other child providers in our area that take our insurance have lengthy waitlists, “So your company’s mantra towards children’s mental health and crisis needs is ‘thoughts and prayers’?
Kind of a silly one, but my husband loved it so much he kept saying "You have to write that down!"
He was crabby about driving in a parking lot in really bad shape and I looked at the freshly rained on pavement and said, "When it rains, the pot holes become bird baths."
I was the receiving party in this case, but after our mom went through a big medical emergency, my sister blew my mind when she reminded me of this line from a Walt Whitman poem where he talks about the sickness of a parent not being "the me myself". Ever since, it's been a good reminder to not let myself be consumed by bad situations or all of the demands/responsibilities that might've been placed on me:
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
The sickness of one of my folks or of myself, or ill-doing or loss or
lack of money, or depressions or exaltations,
Battles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news,
the fitful events;
These come to me days and nights and go from me again,
Kinda sad that this was when i was a tiny child, and I'm not trying to make this a "kids say the darnedest things" segment, but here goes....
When i was like 4 or 5 a woman approached my mother & i at Kmart and said "what a cute little carrot-top!" Me, unimpressed, replied, "apparently you haven't looked at a carrot lately because carrot-tops are green & my hair is red!". I don't remember and i don't know if the lady remembers, but my mom sure does! 🤣😂
I have aspired to that level of quick-wittedness ever since!
Aug 3, 2022·edited Aug 3, 2022Liked by Caissie St.Onge
This is not the most .... kind or grace filled thing I've ever done, but it felt quite kismet.
In leaving an awful job environment & right before I put in my two weeks notice, my boss wrote an email to the staff team in which he blamed many for his own failings. It ended with the line "You guys are children." It left me... fuming.
All of us, including his boss, were called into a meeting, where he claimed to have mistakenly put that last line in and extolled his "many" professional experiences. (He's notorious for sending rambling, incomprehensible emails from his bed as he routinely showed up to work a few hours late.) In the moment, I immediately responded with an "I'm surprised a supervisor with as much experience as you have doesn't make sure to doublecheck his emails before sending them." It was petty. It was passive aggressive. And I felt really proud.
When my husband and I got married, he told me that only boys are born in his family (he’s one of three boys and in the cousin count, boys very much outnumber girls). I said, “oh yeah? Watch this” and proceeded to have two beautiful baby ladies. I think anytime someone tells me I can’t do something, I am inclined to say “watch this” and prove them wrong.
This was said to me when my dad died and I’ve passed it along to many a friend through the years going through grief…”it’s going to hurt really fucking bad until it doesn’t”
When comforting a friend years ago, I randomly quoted Eleanor Roosevelt's, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's now my mantra and it comes up a few times a week in various conversations! (because...we know why...)
I am a legal aid lawyer for domestic violence survivors. The specific community I work in is predominately Catholic, so I hear time and time again from my clients how they don't believe in divorce and they just need to pray, etc. I myself am a recovering Catholic, so I empathize with their struggle and have always done my best to tell them no God I would ever want to believe in would be angry with them for taking care of themselves and their children but that never seemed to work. Finally, one day, one client said: "our priest says I have to be patient and let God do his work, but this voice keeps telling me that I deserve better." Suddenly I found myself speaking without really mentally registering what was about to come out of my mouth: "In Catholic teachings, God does not reach down from the sky and hit people upside the head with his mighty hand, right? We are taught that God acts through humans via the Holy Spirit. Has it ever occurred to you that that voice in your head saying you deserve to be safe and have peace...is the voice OF GOD? That voice may very well be the Holy Spirit moving through you." She broke down sobbing and so did I. Maybe it was just my ADHD making words come out of my mouth faster than I can think them, or maybe that line was god or the universe or something acting through me...but I'll never say anything more perfect.
Oh my goodness. What a beautiful story. ❤️
When I was (very) pregnant, I walked into a Starbucks to pick up my mobile order (I can’t remember what exactly I ordered - a tea latte something). It wasn’t out yet so I was waiting around, and this white-haired lady came up and was standing next to me. The barista called my name and put my cup down. As I picked it up and turned around, this old lady STOOD IN FRONT OF ME and said “You know, if you’re going to be a mother, you should know better than to be drinking caffeine. You’re going to cause damage to your baby.”
I had a high risk pregnancy and had also been in a car accident that totaled my car when I was 13 weeks pregnant, so I was already pretty freaked out about keeping my baby safe/healthy. And I was also super tired of hearing about everything moms “should do” during pregnancy. So I looked this lady dead in the eye and asked, “wow, what medical school did you go to?” Confused, she said, “I didn’t go to medical school.” So I responded (and this is my best line): “then shut the f*** up telling me what I should and should not be doing.” She was open-mouthed stunned, and a lady standing by the door high fived me as I left.
It’s literally the only time in my life I have said exactly the right thing at the right time.
Not me, but one of my college besties...
My friends E, M and I were out on a Saturday night our freshman year, and ended up at a dance party at the student center. M was sort of seeing this senior guy, let's call him Jeff Smith. He was doing the hot/cold thing with her, but late night on a Saturday after a few drinks, he was definitely happy to run into her at the dance party. After we all said hello he took a long look at my friend E and said , as though disgusted, "Why is your dress so short?" Her response: "I don't know, Jeff Smith. Why is your dick so small?"
Best.comeback.ever.
I have a ex boyfriend that one night we were talking about something, I can't remember what it was but it prompted me to say 'you realize that there are other people in the world, it doesn't revolve around you'. I said it in a joking way fully expecting him to laugh. He paused, and sat there and was like holy shit, I just realized it doesn't. He legitimately had a epiphany moment realizing at age 47 that the world didn't actually revolve around him. Should have kicked him out that night. 😜😊
I’m so sad I have not been able to come up with anything so far!!!!
Not sure if this fits the question, but it’s something I’ve never forgotten and my family still laughs about. My dad passed when I was eight years old and one night at dinner my mom was telling a story about him and his love for the Grateful Dead. She told us that their fans are called “Dead Heads” and I responded, “Well, he’s a real Dead Head now.” There was a pause and then lots of laughter. 😬😂
Many years ago I had a huge blow out family fight. I was sobbing into my now husband’s shoulder. After a long talk he tried to crack some jokes to make me feel better and ended with “awe, come on, I’m giving you my A material here”. Me after a beat... “I know, that’s why I’m crying”. Took him a second and then burst out laughing, I finally laughed and he still thinks it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever said.
I have kind of a chip on my shoulder over a group of cousins in my family. There are four of them from the same parents and their ages are similar to me and my siblings. Growing up my mom always made us go to every birthday party, communion, confirmation, graduation, etc, but they only reciprocated if they had nothing better to do. Since I’ve been an adult, I’ve maintained the same family first attitude and gone to approximately 117 of their showers, weddings, kids birthdays, baptisms, etc and spent thousands on gifts and hotels, etc. For my own wedding 3 years ago, 1 out of 4 of them showed, and none of them sent a gift. The last one got married this summer in Dublin. Enter my aunt “You’re coming to the wedding, right?” “No, we have a conflict.” “Oh...well...that’s shocking.” “Really? You know it’s in Ireland, right? They wouldn’t cross a state line for mine but I’m supposed to cross the Atlantic?” Mic drop.
I used to work as a Registered Nurse in a Urology clinic (briefly, because gross). Part of the job was doing sterile procedures like cystoscopies. One day someone came running for me because an old white dude patient was standing in the hallway wearing nothing but a towel screaming at my assistant. He tried to scream at me, too, because he was tired of waiting. I took him back inside the room, sat him down, explained calmly that the people trying to take care of him were always overbooked, overworked, understaffed, fitting people in for urgent appointments wherever we could, and that sometimes that meant waiting (also, that health care is fucked).
Then I looked him dead in the eye, pointed to the tray of instruments, and said "Now, sir. I am about to put something *inside* of your penis. So I'm going you give you a minute to decide if you want to change your tone or keep talking to me and the rest of the staff the way you have been." He was a doll after that.
👏🏽my sister is a nurse. I love this!
I was in the ER once and overheard a patient freaking out. The nurse loudly said, “I get to choose the size of your catheter. Are you sure you want to talk to me like that?” I started cracking up and heard a few chuckles from other curtains too.
Ha! Good for that nurse. Gotta have BOUNDARIES!
😂😂😂
I used to live in Indiana and I worked in the public arts and we had to meet Mike pence when he was governor for some kind of grant photo op ( he didn’t give a fuck about the arts) but he went down the line shaking our hands and I was the director of the program so I was the final handshake and after he shook my hand I loudly blurted out “ EWWW GROSS!” Bc his hand felt like a clammy room temperature fish and it just caught me off guard and i have ADHD and it just happened. Mike definitely noticed but also didn’t care bc he’s legit a robot? Everyone around me chuckled tho so I felt great.
So afterwards, his press handler got very upset with me and told me I was very unprofessional and I just stood there and said “K.”
She didn’t know what to do so she just walked off in a huff saying something about getting me fired ( they couldn’t fire me from my own program, lol.) but it felt good to just give her nothing, esp after letting everyone around me know how gross pence’s hand was.
Anyways, Girlboss, Gaslight, Gatekeep all slimy religious fanatics yall!
OMG I wish there was video of this.
Literally a dead fish as a hand. Limp. FLAAAAAAAACID
🤢
Whew!
OMG thank you for this opportunity.
This is something to let go of...
For the unpaid labor over the 6 years that me and “Miss Hospital Corners/ Play Rebel Yell” lifted weights together basically twice a week (save for her several years at Columbia getting double masters’ degrees in architecture and Russia)...
-Whose estranged Mom loooooved me and not her (long story,nose ring tattoos and DUI’s)
and their only conversations involved whatever I was personally up to, and what I’m doing ....just
so they didn’t have to talk about their nonexistent relationship.....
Hey!
So now that you ghosted me, Quick Question: I
We met by 5:30 am at the gym Tuesdays and Thursdays From 2014 to 2021.....’cuz why? !!
So that you could mooch off my expert personal training skills and experience?
Were you really “Showing Up”
Or just Showing Off. ????
You took advantage of me. You dispatched me to provide PT to your fancy friend’s shoulder injury?
And teach yoga to your friends?
...And mom in law and mom virtually during Covid.
And at your work to support charity?
And at your wedding?!!?!
You knew I thought of you as my bff.
But to you I was a needy, vain friendless personal trainer who got your ass out of bed to work out. For years.
(And then I lost 60 pounds you stopped talking to me accusing me of Diet Culture?!!!)
All those years.........wasted...
....During which you never In our intimate conversations never told me about your rape......
So in 2021 when I recommended the movie “Promising Young Woman” you came at me like I purposely left out trigger warnings in order to harm you, a Closet Rape Survivor.
We talked for hours while we lifted weights.
You only ever talked about OTHER PEOPLES ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!
You stole from me.
Unpaid Labor!!!!
Have a great life with your prenuptial agreement given that your beautiful husband’s mom and nieces are fully vested stakeholders and you’re an “OK Cupid” Ad that panned out
for intermittent sex,
gourmet meals
and Neice-care.
Best.
Danielle Zissou Day!!!!!!!
Hope you’re listening you Jacqueline.
You. Never. Loved. Me.
I was on an airplane (when masks were still mandatory) in the first row and was able to watch everyone as they boarded. Mr. Entitled White Guy walks on and is on his phone, too busy for everyone, of course with no mask. The flight attendant stopped him and told him to put one on and Entitled White Guy huffed and acted supremely annoyed and put out and made a huge show of finding his mask and bitched at the flight attendant the whole time. He looked at me, apparently expecting solidarity, and was like, can you believe this?? I looked at him and said with faux concern: “First time on an airplane?” I thought his head was going to explode.
This really is GOLD!
*slow clap*
That is a great one.🤣
When I’d say “what are you doing today?” to my 96 year old Grandma, she’d respond with:
“everyone I can; and some of them twice!”
Not necessarily a response, more of a salutation. A close friend of mine has often ended conversations with folks she doesn't want to a continued relationship with a "won't see you later". It seems to hit people's ear in a way that they hear the more common "see you later". The confused look when they hear the "won't" part is priceless.
A dear octogenarian friend of mine would always say to her nemesis "Love your hair, hope you win!" As if to summon "backstage at a pageant" energy.
I read this in a magazine once (❤) The line was regarding "Repeating outfits" and what to do if someone were to call you out on it. (Rude!) The instructions from the magazine are as follows:
Take the person gently by the hand and look them directly in the eye and say, "I'm so flattered that you noticed. " Then walk away as they collect themselves!
I have yet to use this IRL but boy will I be ready if the moment comes.😄
I feel like this could be used in multiple situations. Anytime someone points out something obvious but without importance...
You “blank” a lot....I’m so flattered you noticed!
When being mansplained to I commonly say “it’s not a difficult concept, you can move on.” I also find myself saying “it’s a yes or no question” a lot. As I get older, my patience runs thin y’all.
I. Love. This.
When I was 15 I still had not had my first kiss and I was desperately wanting to have it. Cut to New Years Eve in my friend's basement and a very cute guy and I happen to be on the couch together. Everyone not so subtly clears out and it finally happens. I've been kissed! I say to him "wow I've never done this before" and he responds "well, it's not rocket science". Years later and we are on competing improv teams. As we're all waiting in the wings to go out we're all chatting, full of nervous energy. He turns to me and goes "I'm just so nervous!". I respond "Well, it's not rocket science".
I was attending a wedding with a friend of mine and the best man really caught my eye. During the reception they started the dollar dance and the DJ announced that the best man and maid of honor would be collecting the dollars. He looked at the best man and, as a joke, said “give him a dollar, get a dance. Give him two and get his phone number.”
So I promptly walked up, handed the best man two dollars and said “so, this means I get your number, right?” We ended up together for over 2 years!
Note to self: Always remember there’s a BIG difference between REPOSITORY and SUPPOSITORY. 💩
Ok, back story. I gave a presentation about organizing media within content management system. During the presentation I spoke VERY CONFIDENTLY about how powerful the new SUPPOSITORY was! The functionality, the ease of use, and on and on...... Well, one of my colleagues was laughing so hard I had to stop and check my phone. He said “REPOSITORY”!!!! Not SUPPOSITORY! 💩
I was on stage, turning every shade of reddish pink. I took a deep breath and said “SHIT HAPPENS” - a statement I think is appropriate in just about any situation! Everyone laughed and I quickly removed myself from the stage and went straight to the exit. I felt like Andy Dufrane escaping Shawshank! My relief was short lived, my colleagues now give me actual suppositories as gifts, they draw/paint pictures, and even made a suppository award. If you’ve seen the movie “Everything Everywhere all at Once”....similar to the award that sits on Jamie Curtis’ desk. 😉
So, SHIT HAPPENS all the time....we just gotta roll with it. This keeps me humble and laughing for sure.
Mine is, I was once talking to a really talented man whose career wasn’t where he wanted it to be, but like, join the club dude! Anyway, it wasn’t very nice but I started to chafe at the idea that I needed to keep cheerleading as he continued to ask where he went wrong & I was like, “Well, you really squandered being a white guy in the 90s!”
BOOM! That’s gold, Caissie!
I use idioms a lot. That doesn’t really count for an original, spontaneous response but many of mine are farm related because even though my upbringing was urban I spent a lot of time with my grandma who grew up on a farm. The two I use the most have to do with eggs, haha. “Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket” or “six of one, half a dozen on the other”. Both come up all the time.
I do have one thing I say to my daughter that cracks her up: “I like a good nose”. She’ll show me an Instagram pic of a woman who has contoured her nose down to where you can barely see it and that is what I say. We have noses with some “substance” so it’s also my way of saying to her- don’t do that if you get more into make up, you’ve got a great nose.
Recently to health insurance provider who has denied paying for us to see a specific psychologist who has seen my child before and is able to get him in quickly due to crisis when all other child providers in our area that take our insurance have lengthy waitlists, “So your company’s mantra towards children’s mental health and crisis needs is ‘thoughts and prayers’?
Kind of a silly one, but my husband loved it so much he kept saying "You have to write that down!"
He was crabby about driving in a parking lot in really bad shape and I looked at the freshly rained on pavement and said, "When it rains, the pot holes become bird baths."
Omg. That’s beautiful. I love watching birds take a little bath in the puddles after a rain.
I was the receiving party in this case, but after our mom went through a big medical emergency, my sister blew my mind when she reminded me of this line from a Walt Whitman poem where he talks about the sickness of a parent not being "the me myself". Ever since, it's been a good reminder to not let myself be consumed by bad situations or all of the demands/responsibilities that might've been placed on me:
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
The sickness of one of my folks or of myself, or ill-doing or loss or
lack of money, or depressions or exaltations,
Battles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news,
the fitful events;
These come to me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.
This literally just gave me chills. Thank you.
Kinda sad that this was when i was a tiny child, and I'm not trying to make this a "kids say the darnedest things" segment, but here goes....
When i was like 4 or 5 a woman approached my mother & i at Kmart and said "what a cute little carrot-top!" Me, unimpressed, replied, "apparently you haven't looked at a carrot lately because carrot-tops are green & my hair is red!". I don't remember and i don't know if the lady remembers, but my mom sure does! 🤣😂
I have aspired to that level of quick-wittedness ever since!
This is not the most .... kind or grace filled thing I've ever done, but it felt quite kismet.
In leaving an awful job environment & right before I put in my two weeks notice, my boss wrote an email to the staff team in which he blamed many for his own failings. It ended with the line "You guys are children." It left me... fuming.
All of us, including his boss, were called into a meeting, where he claimed to have mistakenly put that last line in and extolled his "many" professional experiences. (He's notorious for sending rambling, incomprehensible emails from his bed as he routinely showed up to work a few hours late.) In the moment, I immediately responded with an "I'm surprised a supervisor with as much experience as you have doesn't make sure to doublecheck his emails before sending them." It was petty. It was passive aggressive. And I felt really proud.
That’s amazing! I never think of these things on the spot!!
I rarely ever do, but I think the right combination of “fuck it, I’m about to quit this job” and very tired energy brought it about
Good for you! :)
When my husband and I got married, he told me that only boys are born in his family (he’s one of three boys and in the cousin count, boys very much outnumber girls). I said, “oh yeah? Watch this” and proceeded to have two beautiful baby ladies. I think anytime someone tells me I can’t do something, I am inclined to say “watch this” and prove them wrong.
This was said to me when my dad died and I’ve passed it along to many a friend through the years going through grief…”it’s going to hurt really fucking bad until it doesn’t”
When comforting a friend years ago, I randomly quoted Eleanor Roosevelt's, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's now my mantra and it comes up a few times a week in various conversations! (because...we know why...)